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An experience that is plain fun



zealzou 11 / 53  
Dec 3, 2009   #1
Prompt:Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you have had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

I was in Hong Kong on November 7. After finishing the SAT, there were still 6 hours to my departure, I thought: where was I going? I did not know what's ahead and behind me. I looked at the sky scrapers blocking out the sky and the people coming and going for several seconds and then made up my mind: I am going to the sea! I did not have a map, but I have a compass on my watch. My only knowledge was that the sea was in the south, perhaps not too far away.

Above was the only sky. I looked at this immense city in front of me curiously, walking with only a rough direction in my mind. I saw the City University of Hong Kong and mingled into their campus with students. Some students were just having a commencement. The campus spurred my imagination of college. What should be an ideal college like? I have been searching and searching for the answer. I wanted to find pictures beyond rank, accepting rate and average score. Those sofas in the hall and the students talking there, typing on their laptop; the articles and posters on the "Wall of Democracy"; and the scent of latte from the café... I received colorful contents of the word "college".

I saw on the road unexpected sceneries, ordinary yet impressive. Boys played rugby in the roadside field, rushing and shouting; running people passed the busy streets swiftly, are they also heading the sea like me? I walked out of the malls. Workers sat beside the street, Quaffing from their bottles; I walked into the park. A baby in carriage laughed when seeing the fountain, and his mother then stopped and held him up. He clapped and clapped when touching the dancing water.

Finally, I arrived at the sea, after three hours of long march, exhausted. The scorching sunlight at 3:30 at Hong Kong roasted my body; my shoulders ached intensely because of my heavy school bag, and I felt as if my shirt had just been washed. There was not a single person on the levee, for all the benches were hot enough to burn an ant.

I watched around blankly: sky scrapers and golden, dazzling sea water. I told myself weakly; yes, you made it. Then I ran back with my last volume of energy and lay down under a tree.

I love exploring since young. Even if it is an unknown destination or an unclear direction, I will follow my heart and walk ahead, for the plain happiness. The destination is not what I really want; I have seen the most beautiful sceneries along the road. They are beautiful because they are unknown.

What I pursue in life is not the ultimate goal, but the kaleidoscopic pictures in the journey. I hope to see them and feel them with a vive heart, an exploring mind. I will still walk on to the next destination, even if I don't have a map. It could be a city I don't know, a subject I am not familiar with, even a business that no one has ever thought about. I may have only a rough image, a direction told by the North Star, and a dream, and that's enough.

(PS:I wrote about the same experience in another short essay for a different school. Generally the two essay carries the same idea, but the contents are different.)

Please help me have a look. Thanks!~

elizabeth_h1 1 / 6  
Dec 3, 2009   #2
Excellent begenning. I would grammar-check the post (I'd do it, but I'm not 100% on most things.) "I will still walk on to the next destination, even if I don't have a map." < Keep it in there!!! Awesome!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 4, 2009   #3
I was in Hong Kong on November 7 of this year. After finishing the SAT, I still had six hours to wait before boarding the plane. I thought to myself, Where am I going? I did not know what was ahead of me. I looked at...

I watched around blankly: sky scrapers and golden, dazzling sea water. I told myself weakly; yes, you made it. Then I ran back with my last volume of energy and lay down under a tree.

Use the past tense:
I loved exploring since I was young. Even if it was an unknown destination or an unclear direction, I followed my heart and walked ahead, walking for the plain happiness of the process. The destination was not what I really wanted ; I have seen the most beautiful sceneries along the road. and not you switched to the present tense in a good way, I like it! ----> They are beautiful because they are unknown.

Below, I like the way you switch to present verb tense. The past tense was good for the first part of the essay, but this is good in the present tense below:

What I pursue in life is not the ultimate goal, but the kaleidoscopic pictures in the journey. I hope to see...
OP zealzou 11 / 53  
Dec 5, 2009   #4
Thanks! So, for the parts of experience and habit, I will use past tense; and for those parts talking about my calues, beliefs, something that is beyond that specific time, I will use present tense...I hope that is not going to create a mess in the passage...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 6, 2009   #5
I hope so, too. Tense changes can indeed create a mess. Just do your best and we'll all try to correct any errors you might have. The way to perfect your skill is to read good literature aloud.


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