Experiences and circumstances as an international student - Temple University

Please print or type an essay of 250 to 400 words that tells us more about you. Some suggestions include personal experiences or circumstances that have been important to your personal or academic development; issues that you feel strongly about; personal, educational, and career goals; or any other information that you would like the Admissions Committee to know as we review your application

A roller coaster can work without an engine because the potential energy is converted into kinetic energy after the coaster first climbs the steep slope. Other factors, like gravity, keep the coaster on track. Along the path are intimidating loops, but the centripetal force keeps people safely in the seat.

Since I was a little girl, my mother was the gravity that kept my life on track. She told me what was right and wrong in every situation. My father, the potential energy, showed me a promising future by leading our family to America. He always encouraged me to find my interests to improve myself in a new country. They are the most influenced people that I could stay in a good way. I believe that my parents are the best advisors and supporters in my life.

As an international student, I had to learn English at an incredibly fast rate to approach and communicate with my peers. Initially, I was dejected and exhausted because I could not express my words and emotions in a novel language. For the first time, I felt as if I was going around the same loop over and over again. However, I realized that if I don't try to get out of loop, I will stay with my problems in there forever.

The language barrier was my greatest weakness but I had to defeat this enormous obstacle. As centripetal force makes people stay safely in the seat, my friends in church taught me to use English correctly in a different place and made me to step up. I am really thankful for them to help and teach me new language and culture.

Now, I am going to study in college and achieve my personal and professional goals for my future. There will be many difficult situations while I am moving further. By overcoming the loops, as a growing person, I am ready to rise above hardships.

hi, guys
is this an off-topic essay? i tried to write this as descriptive as i can
don't want my essay to be cliche... so i used metaphors (roller coaster and my life)
i hope this makes sence to you.. (grammar errors...)
will appreciate that if you guys give me any suggestions and advices ;)

Your essay is looking good, but here are a few things I found;

Along the path are intimidating loops, but the centripetal force keeps people safely in their seats.

Since I was a little girl, my mother has been the gravity that kept my life on track.
He always encouraged me to find my interests and to improve myself in this new country.

They are the most influen cial people, keeping me happy and optimistic.(What do you think of writing it this way?)

Initially, I was dejected and exhausted because I could not express my words and emotions in a new language.
At one time, I felt as if I were going around the same loop over and over again.

However, I realized that if I didn't try to get out of that loop, I would stay with my problems in there forever

...my friends in church taught me to use English correctly in a different place and made me to step up.

I am really thankful for them for helping to teach me a new language and culture.

I really like your metaphor with roller coaster and your life; it catches my eyes.
Also, I think the essay answer the prompt overall.

However, here are some comments.
- I think that the language barrier is quite common among international students, so you may need to specify your own case.
- In last para., you just said "your personal and professional goals," but I think it would be better if you provides specific goals.

Hope this gives a little help!