Is it better to start with "My intended major is..." instead of how I did it?
Is present perfect tense or past tense more preferable?
Any suggestions for me to sound more passionate?
thanks,
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
"Everyone has once been Alice. All of us have to find ourselves in this crazy world we happened to fall into..." - it was a speech I gave when I received my honorable award for my version of the book of Alice in Wonderland in my high school art show. Having to give out a speech unprepared in front of a group of unfamiliar people, I did not do very well on delivering my thoughts with my words. I began to realize the importance of verbal communication; it was also a chance that opened the door for me to communication studies. After my embarrassment on stage, a couple approached me and offered to buy my artwork. Although I turned down their offer, I felt honored and delighted that they understood the message I tried to convey with my art. At that moment I realized that it means a lot to me to be able to successfully express my ideas. Participating in art shows gave me a chance to express ideas from my work through words, and it has given me the opportunity to develop my communication sense. Such experiences have strengthened my desire to pursue my major in Communication.
Coming to the United States, I have encountered many different cultures. At first, I was one of the typical invisible freshmen in my classes, but I found the different cultural backgrounds of my fellow classmates fascinating. Regardless of my poor English, I defeated my psychological barriers and began to make friends with students with different races and ethics. We often had fun finding odd and interesting facts of each other's culture. Learning to communicate with people in an ethically and racially diverse campus broadened my cultural experiences as well as my communication skills. Taking my first speech course in college deepens my interest in the field of communication studies. I especially enjoyed my experiences in that class. Learning to effectively express my ideas and interact with my audiences opened my eyes to the field of Communication studies. Moreover, courses such as General Psychology. Sociology and Critical Thinking led me look at communication from different viewpoints, providing me new insights towards the basis of human connection.
To further enrich my communication experience, I decided to join the Red Cross club. Participating in our club promotion in De Anza clubs day provided me with real life practices in my advertising skills. I helped organizing our booth to better appeal to our future members. Explaining to and persuading various people to join our club was a challenge for me, but such useful experiences granted me confidence in my communication skills. I had many volunteering work opportunities from the Red Cross club from interacting with children to giving out food to the homeless. Not only did I obtain new knowledge in communicating with people from different age groups and social backgrounds, but I have also learned how to coordinate with my fellow club members in completing our work as a team.
During summertime in Hong Kong, I had a chance to teach elementary school children drawing. While teaching kids to express themselves creatively, I also gained some techniques in communication from them. At first, I started teaching them without caring for a response. Soon I could see the children yawning, looking out the window or playing with their pencils. By asking them questions and engaging them in the process of drawing, they became more focused and involved. I learned that effective communication is a two-way process. This experience gave me a better understanding in real world communication.
From the above experiences, I have learned how to communicate with different people in different ways effectively and with empathy. I wish to bring my engagement and my communication skills to your university and I aspire to further explore the world of Communication studies.
Well, it's okay to start it the way you did, but you need to answer the prompt question before the end of the first paragraph (i.e. "My intended major is..."). You don't NEED to, but I think you should get it in that first paragraph.
It requires that you put the story on pause, answer that question, and then get back to telling the story -- but remember that the purpose of the story is to serve as evidence to support the assertion you make about your experience with this major.
With a topic like this one, it is important to show how focused you are to this subject. Even if there are other things you want to learn, choose a subject and be totally committed to mastering it. Choose a particular aspect of or approach to Communication Studies.
