Explore,Indulge, Learn; Boston U; "Why BU"

College, my chance to explore, indulge, learn. From 4 pm ballet classes to an after school math club, I can say my first hobby wasn't my last. Through my sixteen years, I've been able to maneuver the tricks of pliĂŠs and dive into the equations of Pythagorus. At Boston University, I would have just that, an opportunity: to explore, to be able to jump from mathematician to humanitarian in a matter of campus blocks. To indulge, to understand and surround myself with people from different cultures and backgrounds. To learn, to pursue every aspect of my mathematical interest. To be surrounded by a community such as Boston University, I'd be able to elicit a drive that will carry me through college.

Boston University's joint concentration programs in mathematics and philosophy reflect exactly what I've yearned to study throughout high school. Coming from a school more artistically inclined, a chance to thrive in an atmosphere that tailors to my interest is all I ask. In addition, the university's study abroad program would provide me with a chance to see the world I've longed to explore. From Arrezo, Italy to Tokyo, Japan, Boston University provides a platform for success through its emphasis on a well learned person. As I see the university's dedication for their well ranked success, I promise my dedication to uphold the stature of the school.

Thanks for looking at my Stanford essay on dreams!


Maybe this "At Boston University, I would have just that: an opportunity to explore, to..." I don't really know if that improves it, but it's just my suggestion.

"to surround myself." Actually, I'm not totally convinced that having fragmenta is such a good idea. If you feel strongly about it, by all means keep it the same. If you'd like to make it a full sentence, try "I would have the privileged ability to indulge, to understand and to surround myself."

Ditto for the other sentences. I might suggest completing/changing one of the "To" sentences, because you have 4 in total which is kind of pushing it.


Move "school" to the end of the phrase.


" Maybe?


Overall, nice job! I liked your essay and I think BU would be a great fit! Good luck!

I think you could make the hook a little stronger, make the reader really want to delve in. Other than that and a few grammar errors, I love it :)

Good job and good luck!
If you've got a moment, it'd be lovely if you could take a look at mine.