Extracurricular Essay -Rowing

Why am I interested in rowing?
What have I gained from rowing/ what values & principles have you obtained?
Why do I enjoy doing it?

I have found my persistent mentality has made me a good oarsman. It takes a lot of courage to cope with the intensity of training, though no matter how strenuous it gets, I am prepared to tackle it with the utmost effort in my desire to win. I am motivated in hard times in knowing that in order to win I have to battle through. In developing this attitude I have become a better student: I do well in exams due to my academic dexterity. Rowing has made me value teamwork, as in order for us to be successful we have to commit ourselves as one to training. I enjoy this because I do it with my closest friends; the people I have come to trust most in my life as they experience the same pains and joys of training and competing, in order to be successful. As Captain of the rowing team, I suit my leadership role because I motivate team ethics and handle my responsibilities to a high standard. I help teammates through difficulties, encourage hard work and try to be an inspirational example.

Do people reckon that this is ticking the right boxes for what is required in this short essay?

I think you should cancel this line.or the semi colon at least being a better student doesn't need further explanation.


*team member*


Revise this sentence.


I feel this sounds a little iono "I suit my leadership role" I think you should put it in another way

cheers

hmm. i find this essay generally okay. one small problem is that you started quite a number of sentences with "I", which sounds repetitive. Perhaps you can change some of the sentence structures?

very good point. thank you

there is something wrong with this sentence. The sentence structure should Subject Verb Object; Subject Verb Object.

overall, its fine.