Extracurricular essay on volunteering! Any help is appreciated!!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

When I first met my friend's younger sister, all I could ask myself was "Why, why is life so unfair?" She stared at me with such an affectionate smile, but I knew deep inside she was struggling for help. I had seen this condition before, and her life was a living nightmare; all I could do was to give her a warm hug and try to understand. I admire children with Down syndrome because to them, laughter is the best defense against adversity. While volunteering the past three years at Club 21 through Leo Club, I have always had my hands full with crayons and markers in hopes of helping them create their own art masterpiece. I never realized how passionate they were about life; they never let their condition affect their attitude. My favorite memory is when the kids watched Michael's Jordan game winning fist pump, and they started to imitate him whenever they got excited. Club 21 has been special to me because the kids inspire me to live each day with the same passion and drive as they do. (999 words)

Your essay is well-written. It might need improvement grammar-wise, like, as BillyIon said, in transitions, but I'm addressing a different issue.

My qualm is the content. I can see that you care a lot of children, especially those who "struggle" with Down Syndrome. A very close friend of mine, though, actually has Down Syndrome. Perhaps we have different perspectives, but I don't see his laughter as a cover-up for his struggles. It's genuine mirth.

Again, your essay is good. I just don't want you to come across as pitying them. It might give a bad impression to a reader like me.

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Answer mine?

Thanks for the great input! I will definitely make those changes. You bring up a great point Kielbasy, and I will be more than happy to read your essays.