Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
Please give as much criticism as possible. Thank you so much for your help!! c:
In the distance police sirens are heard, the occasional boom that could either be a gunshot or a firework, and shouting that could be heard from miles away. The neglected, broken buildings, vandalized with gang signs, accompanied the streets with the unwritten rule: do not walk outside at night! This is the neighborhood I was raised in, walking down the street was like walking in a lion cage. I often felt as if I were going to be attack, I would wonder " Is this all there is to life?" Living in a low income community was tough and emotionally draining. There is not a lot of hope in an environment like this, the community was like running water in a drain. It felt like if I kept trying it would just go down. I didn't let that get to me, through time I shaped into oil, I went down the drain for a while but not forever. I plugged that drain and kept building up until I hit the top of that sink!. I learned from my hardships through the low income community. Now when I step into a low income community I remember how this places has defined me. I had days when I wanted to drop everything and quit, but this place has taught me to never give up, even when thing seem impossible. People make mistakes and learn from them. My eyes have been opened to endless possibilities and to never let where I came from get in the way of my dreams!
Anastasia, please mention the specific low income community that you grew up in so that the admissions officer can have a clearer idea of how to imagine the highly descriptive words that you used in your essay. You have given such a vivid description of the world that you come from, and the chaos that surrounds it that the reasons you wish to further yourself academically become quite evident.
That said, I believe that you need to divide the essay into two paragraphs in order to show the chaotic community that you belong to and also highlight the community that you are trying to develop for yourself within this negative world. By showing the admissions officer that you have managed to create your own peaceful community within this world, you will be able to portray yourself as someone who is confident of eventually leaving the world that society says to belong to. This is the part of your statement that will show your drive to get away and succeed in a community where you feel you really belong.
