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Undergraduate   Posts: 10

"faculty ratio and more" - UCF Admissions Essay


FrankDaTank  
Sep 9, 2009   #1
Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

My decision on applying to the University of Central Florida was based on several factors. I have a few friends that are currently attending the College of Business and all have positive things to say. One thing they mention in particular is how small the student to faculty ratio is. This is a huge advantage as it would make the learning experience a lot easier in the event you have a question or concern.

I also heard that the University of Central Florida is one of the largest universities in the nation by enrollment. This is perfect for me, as I like to meet new people and learn from them. There are a lot of students at the University of Central Florida that come from throughout the world and I feel that this would go hand-in-hand with my Business Management Degree, as you would learn various beliefs and cultures. I originally applied to the University of Central Florida in late 2007 and last year, I took a tour of the campus. It is by far, the most beautiful campus I have visited. The students, faculty and staff are friendly. It's like a small-town with people obtaining a common goal.

I currently work at Walmart as a Sales Associate in the Electronics Department and feel that the Business Management degree will give me the leading edge over the competition and will also help me build my career.

In conclusion, I feel that the University of Central Florida is a perfect choice for me. I am a people person and learning various cultures and beliefs will not only help me build my career, but myself as a person. UCF stands for Opportunity and I feel that this is an opportunity I can't pass up.

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

I often wondered that if I asked the people I worked with for 3˝ years to best describe me, they would describe me as hard-working. I wasn't always the hard-working type. In the seventh grade, my father had passed away and I lost interest in school. As a result, my grades started to slip. It wasn't until a year later when my Math teacher told me that if I didn't get grades up to par that I would most likely not be successful in life. My mom told me that I'm the man of the household since my father had passed away. I told myself that I want to be successful in life and make a difference. From that moment forward, I pushed myself each and every day to do better.

In the tenth grade, I landed my first job at the local Winn-Dixie. My mom told me that I didn't need a job since I was still in school. I responded by letting her know that I was going to be responsible for my grades and to make sure that I had ample time for studying. She said "Ok. The minute your grades start slipping, you are quitting that job". At first, I would admit that it was difficult to study and hold down a job, but eventually I learned how to manage my time. Once I figured out how to manage my time, I quickly realized that I was on the right track. In 2004, I graduated high school with a 3.73 GPA still holding my part-time job.

Now, I currently work at Walmart in the Electronics Department, where I'm responsible for making sure that the merchandise is properly priced, flagged, and stocked. I am a team-player and will help out wherever is needed. If my mom and eighth grade Math teacher didn't push me, I don't know where I would be today. If it weren't for my Assistant Managers and Store Manager at Walmart, I wouldn't have had the opportunities to grow myself. Now, I'm going to work hard for my Bachelor's Degree so I could grow my career and myself more.

tal105  
Sep 9, 2009   #2
while your first essay answers the prompt, its like this:

WHY I WANT TO GO TO UCF:
-nice campus
-friends attend
-staff to student ratio...
you just seem to list and dont add any creativity. i mean this is fine as the 1st essay is def. an okay essay, it just lacks creativity in my opinion.

the 2nd essay i like the personal approach u decided to take, only it seems like the timeline and the entire story is being rushed along. try to slow it down somehow by maybe explaining what tole the death of your father had on you (only breifly though) and tel how it made you a stronger person (this is good as it can be a quality that makes you good for the school as well) and then expand a little bit more on the 2nd paragraph, and waht i mean by that is you jump from 'holding down a job and school is hard' to 'i had a 3.7 gpa' relativly fast. (quick time frame once again)

other than that, its all good ;)

-edit
i dont know the word limit, but it seems pretty short. i know its prety tight, but witht that being said, i think you can still add in some detail (aka toss around some ideas) and then when your all done and its VERY specific,both essays, then you look back and you CUT OUT. then youll realize some stuff you originally had, wasnt relevant, or necessary, or what ever word you want to use-

good luck!
Mayada  
Sep 9, 2009   #3
a 3.73 GPA

Do you have to say it? It would be mentioned somewhere else in your application

I am a team-player and will help out wherever is needed.

You are??? PROVE IT!! Give an example. Everything is easier said than done, and if you tell it, it won't affect the reader as if you give an example about how you've "done" it and therefore are considered a team-player

grow myself.

it sounds weird to me...

Now, I'm going to work hard for my Bachelor's Degree so I could grow my career and myself more.

Not the best phrase to end with. I suggest you end with something more effective; an open ending just hinting a future of an unlimited amount of hard work

I currently work at Walmart as a Sales Associate in the Electronics Department and feel that the Business Management degree will give me the leading edge over the competition and will also help me build my career.

You mentioned your job in both of your essays: not good. And you probably have it somewhere in your application too.. try not to repeat what had been mentioned in your application; the essay is supposed to show what you couldn't show in the rest of the application

My decision on applying to the University of Central Florida was based on several factors.

You have to start stronger :) Show us power!! This is TOO direct

I feel that the University of Central Florida is a perfect choice for me.

Duhh! Then why would you apply for it??.. Don't say that in your ending

I am a people person and learning various cultures and beliefs will not only help me build my career, but myself as a person.

Again, don't TELL.. Show them instead

You've done a good job. But this is an admissions essay so every detail counts.. You have to be very selective on which sentences you should put or not, and what exactly should you write..
OP FrankDaTank  
Sep 9, 2009   #4
It's supposed to be one essay with two topics. They say no longer than 500 words.

How about "There were several factors in choosing the University of Central Florida".

Maybe I will put "Grow myself as a person more" ?
OP FrankDaTank  
Sep 10, 2009   #5
UCF Essay *Updated*

Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

The University of Central Florida has been recognized by Princeton Review as one of the Top 50 for "Best Colleges, Best Value" and the most engaged university in Florida by the UCF Staff. This school is always 'Under Construction Forever' and is looking for ways to better prepare its students for the future. I chose to apply to the University of Central Florida because I feel that it's more than a school, it's a way to develop myself. While I went on my first college tour in the second year of community college, the University of Central Florida has always stood out above the rest. The students, faculty, and staff are wonderful. The campus is very organized and is not hard to find anything. I've always wanted to move out to Orlando, not because of the theme parks, but because of the diverse backgrounds the city has. Learning other peoples' cultures will help me develop more as a person.

By being located in a large, popular city, the University of Central Florida offers internships and job opportunities to help students become successful. The University of Central Florida has partnerships with employers nationwide, as well as locally, including: Disney, Universal Studios, Darden and many others. Another thing that I like about the University of Central Florida is the small student to faculty ratio. This makes the learning experience a lot easier in the event I have a question or concern. Originally, Florida State University was my choice for Business Management; however, it appears to me that there are more advantages that made me lean toward the University of Central Florida. One of the Business Courses at Florida State had roughly 800 students, which would make it very difficult to learn. UCF stands for Opportunity and I feel that this is an opportunity I can't pass up.

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

I believe that if somebody asks the people who know me best, they will describe me as an enthusiastic, friendly, hardworking and goal-oriented type of person. I very rarely let my emotions rage out of control. I feel that if you are having a bad day, there's no reason to take it out on someone else. Regardless of the way a person treats me, I will be friendly and try to work out the situation. I was raised to treat people the way you want to be treated. In setting goals, occasionally there will be some obstacles along the road. Regardless, I don't believe in giving up, as it would make you weaker. I do however, feel that if you set a goal, you should stick to it no matter how long it takes to accomplish.

I believe that the qualities and characteristics I posses would allow me to contribute to the University of Central Florida community. I will tell people not to give up and that you could do anything you put your mind to. At Walmart, we have three basic beliefs. First belief is: "Respect for the Individual". Second belief is: "Service to our Customers". Third belief is: "Strive for Excellence". If accepted to the university, I will give respect to everyone; provide assistance to students and faculty and making sure that we are doing our best all the time.
mike920125  
Sep 10, 2009   #6
The Why essay is pretty good. It shows different aspects which you love.

However, the second short essay, from my opinion, is a little bit unclear. You're trying to demonstrate four of your nice qualities, which will make any of them seem weak. If you focus on one or two certain qualities and use more details to support, the essay will be stronger.

Furthermore, you wrote "If accepted to the university, I will...". I think it will be the best if you could make the admission officers sense this part by themselves.

Good Luck!
tal105  
Sep 10, 2009   #7
i read ur revision and my opinion is starting an essay saying that the school is recognized as such prestige is not the best thing.

for example, im applying to columbia. tell me what you think this is like:
columbia is noted as one of the best schools in the country, which is why it is ivy league, which is a big reason why i want to attend!

this sounds like you want to go for the prestige. i would consider revising that out. but to really wrap it up, i think id rather you pick a few reasons and expand on them rather tell a whole laundry list of reasons you want to apply. some of them arent even important whereas some of them i feel you can really elaborat on, making for a good essay. for example, you dont have to mention the culture thing b.c. this day in time diversity and culture is a "hot topic" whereas if you elaborate on how your going to develope yourself a little bit more, thats good. elaborate on the small student to teacher ratio, etc.

but thats the way i would do it. im not sure whats really better. if its better to say ALL of the reasons, or if its better to say less and expand more.

the next essay:

I believe that if somebody asks the people who know me best,....

i sorta dont know what to say. i personally think your 1st esasy with some TWEAKS, is okay, but deep down i feel ur 2nd needs some work. idk, maybe the other members should comment. if they dont, repost it maybe if you can according to the forum rules.

good luck!
OP FrankDaTank  
Sep 10, 2009   #8
I need a second opinion. I respect your opinion tal105, but I keep revising it and I've been up since 4:15 AM :(
catalyst0435  
Sep 10, 2009   #9
I believe that if somebody asks the people who know me best, they will describe me as a hardworking and goal-oriented type of person.

"If you ask people who know me, I bet they will describe me as a hardworking, goal-oriented person."
But I'd ditch the "if you ask people who know me" part... You either assume that people think a certain way about you, or you have to include a verb ("bet") that weakens your claim.

Throughout my life, I have always stayed true to myself.

Awfully cliche

I was reminded time and time again that I didn't need a job.

"Time and time again" is another inefficient and cliched use of words. Who told you this? You can make the sentence more active if you said, "My (mom) consistently reminded me that I didn't need a job."

I told my family that since dad passed away a few years back, that this job will make me a stronger person.

Explain this; it's not overtly clear how helping your family makes *you* a stronger person.

I have set numerous goals in life and will let no one get in my way of achieving them. Whether it's at school or work, I'm the type of person that will make sure that everything that was assigned to me is complete. If I don't complete everything, I feel as if I didn't accomplish a thing.

This makes you seem like you are obsessively perfectionist, and have a Self-Defeating personality disorder if you fail to accomplish every facet of your goal. I think just removing the last sentence will soften it a bit.

The conclusion... ties your qualities back to what they can do for UCF. And apparently, what they can do is show people never to give up. See how that's a bit circumstantial? If your anecdote had been about how your persistence made *other* people persistent, this would tie in better. Or if your tie-up in the end was how your persistence and work could somehow benefit the UCF community through some public service or other. But as it stands, the quality and the relevance to UCF are disconnected.
OP FrankDaTank  
Sep 10, 2009   #10
Revised Paragraph #2, Question #2

Someone who knows me well would say that I'm a hardworking and goal-oriented type of person. When I was 15 years old, I got my first job at a local Winn-Dixie. My mom consistently reminded me that I didn't need a job. I told my family that since dad passed away a few years back, that this job will make me a stronger person by giving me some of the responsibilities he had while he was still alive. I didn't look at a paycheck as independence. I looked it at as a way to help my mom support the household, by paying a portion of the bills.


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