Okay, so for my common app, I have a really bang-up essay, probably one of the best essays I have ever written. However, I am not so sure about my supplement essay. I feel good about it in that it is well-written (I think... suggestions more than welcome), but I don't want it to be too dull or anything. Would you say this is an acceptable essay?
Here is the prompt:
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude, but please restrict your submission to what will fit on one sheet of paper.
My essay:
A life without failure is a life without growth, both mental and emotional. Our failures teach us what is unwise to endeavor in for the future, as well as how to become stronger when we fail. Strength is achieved only when we can look past our failures and invest our strengths into other endeavors. One of my most significant failures came when I failed to make both the high school volleyball and softball teams.
I had been playing volleyball and softball throughout middle school, as well as my freshman year and was convinced I had a future playing in college. However, tryouts came, first for volleyball, and immediately I knew I was not at the skill level of the other girls. I soon received the devastating news I had not made the team. Still optimistic, spring came, and I tried out for the softball team, but I had to again face the embarrassment from the exact same coach when I was informed I had not made the team. What was I to do with my time, now that I would not have the future in volleyball or even softball as I had planned?
When I was nine years old and my family lived in Fayetteville, North Carolina, I had a small part in a single community play. However, I loved every minute of being there. I enjoyed being on stage, however briefly, and simply participating in set construction and rehearsals. However, theatre left my mind while I was participating in sports. It had not occurred to me until both of my failed tryouts that perhaps I could pursue my interest in theatre. I made it into the first play I for which auditioned, and since then I have acted in two other plays. I have been able to find the joy I felt when playing volleyball and softball in acting, and since I have discovered this, there has been no going back. I now fully understand the age old saying that when one door closes, another will open, and it certainly did in my case. My strength and happiness were renewed, and I feel that I am more readily able to accept and overcome change or failures if they arise in the future.
Any critique is appreciated. Thank you!
Here is the prompt:
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude, but please restrict your submission to what will fit on one sheet of paper.
My essay:
A life without failure is a life without growth, both mental and emotional. Our failures teach us what is unwise to endeavor in for the future, as well as how to become stronger when we fail. Strength is achieved only when we can look past our failures and invest our strengths into other endeavors. One of my most significant failures came when I failed to make both the high school volleyball and softball teams.
I had been playing volleyball and softball throughout middle school, as well as my freshman year and was convinced I had a future playing in college. However, tryouts came, first for volleyball, and immediately I knew I was not at the skill level of the other girls. I soon received the devastating news I had not made the team. Still optimistic, spring came, and I tried out for the softball team, but I had to again face the embarrassment from the exact same coach when I was informed I had not made the team. What was I to do with my time, now that I would not have the future in volleyball or even softball as I had planned?
When I was nine years old and my family lived in Fayetteville, North Carolina, I had a small part in a single community play. However, I loved every minute of being there. I enjoyed being on stage, however briefly, and simply participating in set construction and rehearsals. However, theatre left my mind while I was participating in sports. It had not occurred to me until both of my failed tryouts that perhaps I could pursue my interest in theatre. I made it into the first play I for which auditioned, and since then I have acted in two other plays. I have been able to find the joy I felt when playing volleyball and softball in acting, and since I have discovered this, there has been no going back. I now fully understand the age old saying that when one door closes, another will open, and it certainly did in my case. My strength and happiness were renewed, and I feel that I am more readily able to accept and overcome change or failures if they arise in the future.
Any critique is appreciated. Thank you!