Hello! This is my essay for University of Texas at Austin! Please review mine and I will be sure to review your essay as well! Thank you! :)
Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
All Ye Faithful
Faith, a strong devotion or belief in a god, gods or a system of ethic morals, this word has transformed and integrated itself into the lives of millions of people as the world has developed to this very day. Religion over the course of time has also evolved to include hundreds of different variations of belief systems all encompassing their own sets of principles, perceptions on the purpose of life and how one should live their life. One, in this day and age, would think that after all the social and global progression made in the lives of people across the world as the twenty-first century has become the 'era of diversity'. However, this is not the case for all people and all situations, as one knows today that religious war and persecution continues to plague every nation. Religious intolerance has made its mark on the world quite conspicuously and every sect of religious faith such as Christianity, Islam and even Atheism has worked its way into a tangle of religious intolerance, ignorance and violence amongst each other that has proved only to demoralize the progression of one of the most culturally influenced eras in history.
The issue of religious intolerance, on a personal level, has impacted me in ways that have reshaped my thinking on life as I have faced several circumstances of ignorance and prejudice due to my religious background and beliefs. Coming from an Indian, Catholic heritage many individuals in my past have judged me and questioned me on my faith considering I am a minority of a religion within my ethnic population and a minority in race when compared to the whole Christian population. The ignorance and the lack of cultural awareness by people had caused me to feel confused on why I was who I was. I begin to think of myself as abnormal considering I barely knew any other people who also shared my religious and cultural background. I began to believe that life and those who interact with in my life will hold standards for what's considered acceptable and every aspect of me will be judged accordingly. Religious intolerance negatively influenced me in the sense that it brought a feel of growing insecurity about myself and continued to make me feel more and more uncomfortable and confused on my religious practice, shattering the original, safe haven I found in embracing my religious and cultural background.
Religious intolerance, on a global scale, has afflicted the world to where the disregard of many individuals to recognize the religious preferences of another has resulted in leading ludicrous acts of discrimination and persecution against others. People have publicized their disdain and condemnation of other religions with some taking it to the streets and media to get their discriminatory claims heard. In July of 2012, some Muslim followers were seen protesting the participation of Jewish athletes in the 2012 Summer Olympics, protesting and rioting that "they don't deserve it". However, the intolerance doesn't just stop at persecution and hatred but extends to the utmost extreme in the form of direct aggression. An example of how real the situation of cruelty of religious intolerance is the recent mass shooting on August 5, 2012, against Sikhs in Wisconsin in which six people were killed and four injured because others did not accept their form of religious practice within their community. Religious maltreatment, violence and any public form of religious discrimination is not subject to only Sikhs and Jews but to Muslims, Christians, Hindus and followers of practically every other religion to where all play the role of both the victim and the culprit.
Religious intolerance affects people on different levels, both personal and global. Individuals may begin to feel unaccepted by their peers and their community over who they are as a person in their spiritual way of life. Nonetheless, the world population is guilty of continuing to fight and cause struggle amongst each other over the issue of something so beautiful and unique, the idea of religion and the human right to believe in any faith without restraint.
Thanks for editing my essay for me! You're comments and revisions were very good. I'm not the best editor but I'll give it a go!. P.s. I'm applying to Austin also!
All Ye Faithful
Faith, a strong devotion or belief in a god, gods or a system of ethic morals, this word has transformed and integrated itself into the lives of millions of people as the world has developed to this very day. (I would remove to this very day ) Religion, over the course of time, has also evolved to include hundreds of different variations of belief systems all encompassing their own sets of principles, perceptions on the purpose of life and how one should live their life. One, in this day and age, would think that after all the social and global progression made in the lives of people across the world as the twenty-first century has become the 'era of diversity'. (I would change the ending of this sentence to say something like the twenty-first century would be the 'era of diversity') However, this is not the case for all people and all situations, as one knows today that religious war and persecution continues to plague every nation. Religious intolerance has made its mark on the world quite conspicuously and every sect of religious faith such as Christianity, Islam and even Atheism has worked its way into a tangle of religious intolerance, ignorance, and violence amongst each other that has proved only to demoralize the progression of one of the most culturally influenced eras in history.
The issue of religious intolerance, on a personal level, has impacted me in ways that have reshaped my thinking (view ) on life as I have faced several circumstances of ignorance and prejudice due to my religious background and beliefs. Coming from an Indian, Catholic heritage many individuals in my past have judged me and questioned me on my faith considering I am a minority of a religion within my ethnic population and a minority in race when compared to the whole Christian population. The ignorance and the lack of cultural awareness by people had caused me to feel confused on why I was who I was. I begin to think of myself as abnormal considering I barely knew any other people who also shared my religious and cultural background. I began to believe that life and those who interact with in my life will hold standards for what's considered acceptable and every aspect of me will be judged accordingly. Religious intolerance negatively influenced me in the sense that it brought a feel (feeling) of growing insecurity about myself and continued to make me feel more and more uncomfortable and confused on (about ) my religious practice, shattering the original, safe haven I found in embracing my religious and cultural background.
Religious intolerance, on a global scale, has afflicted the world to where the disregard of many individuals to recognize the religious preferences of another has resulted in leading ludicrous acts of discrimination and persecution against others. People have publicized their disdain and condemnation of other religions with some taking it to the streets and media to get their discriminatory claims heard. In July of 2012, some Muslim followers were seen protesting the participation of Jewish athletes in the 2012 Summer Olympics, protesting and rioting that "they don't deserve it". However, the intolerance doesn't ( do not use contractions in formal writing ) just stop at persecution and hatred but extends to the utmost extreme in the form of direct aggression. An example of how real the situation of cruelty of religious intolerance is the recent mass shooting on August 5, 2012, against Sikhs in Wisconsin in which six people were killed and four injured because others did not accept their form of religious practice within their community. Religious maltreatment, violence and any public form of religious discrimination is not subject to only Sikhs and Jews but to Muslims, Christians, Hindus and followers of practically every other religion to where all play the role of both the victim and the culprit.
Religious intolerance affects people on different levels, both personal and global. Individuals may begin to feel unaccepted by their peers and their community over who they are as a person in their spiritual way of life. Nonetheless, the world population is guilty of continuing to fight and cause struggle amongst each other over the issue of something so beautiful and unique, the idea of religion and the human right to believe in any faith without restraint.
Your essay is very good and well organized. I'd be happy to do your other essay if you would do mine.
Your essay is excellent and well organized (:
It sounds good to me
Overall, it's a good essay however Religion is a pretty risky topic so don't lean toward one side too much because you never know who is reading your essay
Hey, thanks for revising my essay.!
I have read yours, and here is something that I could think of:
1. maybe you can shorten your essay to make it more comfortable for AOs to accept.
2. religion is a little bit reisky
3. I think it's because of the topic, i feel a little "depressed" when reading your essay, not that comfortable. but guess it's because of the topic,
Overall, I think your perspective is really profound, and this is not what everyone can write about. It's great! Good luck!
