I am from Nepal .So I am not used to writing college essays. I would be grateful if anyone could read it and point out the mistakes or some improvements.I am writing for a "Topic of your own" for the common app.
"Perseverance"
Gazing at the clouds hovering in the sky amidst the majestic mountains, I was too absorbed to feel the raindrops tickling my body washing away all my distress. I was beginning to imagine myself as an angel flying without wings; the clouds circling around me and the cool breeze giving me a sensation of bliss. I could see the paddy plants swaying with the wind, like the mighty waves in the sea. How they battled with the wind to be firm in their place. The sun lay hidden in the ocean of clouds, only showing its glittering light as the clouds passed by. The clouds drastically changed their shape sometimes taking human-like forms like centaur, satyr and sometimes taking more familiar forms like the trees, animals and houses. I could imagine a world of hope and dreams in the clouds.
It was the day when the results of exams and the merit scholarships of my High School were announced. Though it was evident that my name would not be in the Topper's list, I was very much disheartened and disappointed because it was the first time that my name was not listed among the top ten students in my class and it was also the first time that I had not been selected as a merit scholarship holder throughout my academic life.
This all happened when I fell sick and missed one of the five exams which were necessary to retain scholarship. I got top scores in all other subjects but it was Chemistry test that I had missed. I was confident that I could get top score in the Chemistry test too. By all means, I wanted to take the test but my body laid in the bed anguished; my stomach burning with unbearable pain. Dysentery had debilitated me. Though I recuperated only partially in a couple of days, I did my best on the remaining exams. However, the extraordinary scores from the other four subjects were not sufficient to retain my scholarship.
Distressed and disheartened, I traveled to a hill nearby. I sat there alone in the vast landscape staring at the sky above. When I saw the clouds and the paddy fields, it ended up my distress and filled me up with new determination. Seeing the paddy regain it's position after a gusty wind blew it away, I realized that it was not worth worrying about the result and the loss of scholarship. Instead I planned to make up to this loss by getting good grades in the 12th grade. Like the paddy plant continuously battled with the wind to be in its place, I wholeheartedly studied hard for repaying the loss and regaining my honor as one of the top ten students in my class. After all the countless hours of study, I was able to get good marks in grade 12. There was some ground to be satisfied after all.
The changing patterns of the clouds insinuated the changing patterns of life. Like the clouds take different forms, one must be versatile and have different experiences in life. In fact, I managed to work part-time in my father's cyber café in spite of the busy college life and in spite of the fact that it was two hours of tiring journey from college to my home. My job in the cyber-cafe enabled me to pay for my studies and view things from the perspective of a cyber administrator. I not only managed to learn business skills in cyber café but I also managed to know how to deal with people and become familiar with different types of people. It gives me real joy when the customers smile at me when I'm on my way to college or when I'm walking down the streets.
From coding programs in BASIC to playing the six-string, I realized that persistence and hard work with a bit of imagination is the key to success. Though it took me a month to learn to excel it, the sound of "Green sleeves" coming from my guitar pleases my soul. Like Thomas A. Edison once said, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration", I believe perspiration and perseverance is needed to make a person genius. It is through my perspiration and perseverence that I want to achieve my goal.
Great essay, a lot of strong imagery.
I not only managed to learn business skills in the cyber café but I also managed to know how to deal with people and become familiar with different types of people.
Though it took me a month to learn to excel at it, the sound of "Green sleeves" coming from my guitar pleases my soul.
Good ending!
:)
Kevin
