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my family community- U Mich Supplement



raquelgindi 1 / -  
Oct 6, 2012   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

A family is an everlasting community; it is a society in itself with each member pertaining to a different mantle and foundation. A person's family is a community that surrounds him or her from birth until eternity. A family is close-knit and strong depending on the hardships its been through, and more importantly, what its members contribute to its enhancement. My family is a former broken family. My parents divorced, which left my three brothers and me as the middlemen, and it was then that we each discovered our roles. I, being the only girl, was the sensible one; I felt responsible for my three brothers at this lowly time. I helped with homework, I lent sound advice, and I was a shoulder to cry on. I mediated fights and made sure our community did not suffer further. I managed to help spur positivity throughout our family atmosphere in the hopes of a brighter future, and it worked. Now, our family community is stronger than ever, and each of our roles still remain. If there is anything from a physical fight between my little brothers to a family-wide decision to be made I am there to offer my sense and judgment.

allms 3 / 5  
Oct 19, 2012   #2
I really like the beginning of it, but maybe take out a sentence or two on the definition of a family and focus more on yours. I like the ending as well! But maybe try flip-flopping the last two sentences? I think it would end it on a stronger note. You should comment on my community essay for U of Mich :)


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