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"Your family's cultures" Review this and give constructive criticism:-)


janaylloyd09 4 / 9  
Dec 9, 2008   #1
This is another one of my admission essays:-) I personally, do not have confidence in this one but I need you guys opinion...Thanks:-)

Topic: Think of how your family's cultures and/or morals have helped shape you for the future.

Bon Voyage


Leaving for college is one of the most important stepping-stones in a child's life. Some kids anticipate this moment of independence, while others wish they could escape it. The morals and customs that have been instilled in us as children serves as a source to help us overcome these transitions with ease.

My family is firm believers that education is the only answer to success. My mom often states, "Anything worth having is worth working for." They have worked diligently in preparing me to labor for that, that I want, so when it's obtained it'll be of greater value. This has also taught me to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Realistically, we do tend to cherish the things that we've worked for as opposed to the things that we may've freely received.

Just as any other family, we have come face to face with our share of troubles. Some situations seem to be almost impossible to endure; and as a result, we will easily give in. Over the years, I've discovered that the easiest route to failure is defeat. In such events, our number one source is God. When battling what appears to be unbearable, we pray and trust that things can only get better.

With the traditions and values that have been inculcated in me over the years, I look forward to this dramatic change. I am confident that I hold the golden key to survival, and therefore I will become successful in all that I do.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 10, 2008   #2
The best way to improve this essay would be to give more specific examples. If your family instilled a strong work ethic in you, give an instance of a situation in which you applied that work ethic with the help of your family. If you can, draw parallels between the example you choose and the situation you find yourself in at the moment (someone moving from school to university). If you are having trouble thinking of an example, be creative -- the example doesn't have to be real, it just has to sound convincing and make your point effectively.
Sofia 4 / 12  
Dec 10, 2008   #3
Add more examples. If you have nothing to write as an example...just make it up...but try to describe them as true occurrences. :)


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