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'My family emigrated from Zambia' - UCF Essay


rushil94 1 / 1  
Oct 13, 2011   #1
Why I chose UCF?
Ever since I moved to Florida during my sophomore year, I really liked it here. The people are friendly and the weather is the best. I decided that I will go to a college in Florida. I have lived in Winter Park ever since I came to USA and UCF is just 15 minute drive from my home, so I could go to college but still enjoy a comfortable life at home with my family. I also have many friends who are currently attending UCF who have told me how amazing it is. They have a really good program called the EXCEL program which is what I'm interested to do if I get accepted. I am big Knights fan too and I go to most of their football games and Soccer games. Additionally I am eligible to receive Bright Futures which could prevent me from being overburdened by loans after I graduate from college.

Family and Environment
My family emigrated from Zambia 3 years ago, just so I could receive a good education and chance to live the American Dream. No one in my direct family has been to college and my parents have pushed so I can be the first one. My grandfather is a school teacher in a small village in India, he is the only teacher teaching about 300 children under one big tree in a village. He made me realize how important education is, whenever I went to India, he would introduce me to some of his students, some of who had to walk 5 miles just to come to school. That made me realize how fortunate I am to have such good teachers and how important education is. It made me realize that I need to get a really good education so I could become successful enough so I could help kids in other countries receive education even if their families can't afford it.
polk540 5 / 16  
Oct 13, 2011   #2
complex sentences may be revised to punctuated sentences.
My family emigrated from Zambia 3 years ago, just so I could receive a good education and chance to live the American Dream
No one in my direct family has been to college and my parents have pushed so I can be the first one
y grandfather is a school teacher in a small village in India, he is the only teacher teaching about 300 children under one big tree in a village.

He made me realize how important education is, whenever I went to India, he would introduce me to some of his students, some of who had to walk 5 miles just to come to school.

These are all in a sentence, which could be simpler.
It made me realize -> realized


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