Fan of Science/ Chemistry & Medicine; USC / Academic Interests

The prompt for the USC short essay is : Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice.

Here is my essay:

As a passionate fan of science, I have built my confidence and explored my ability while studying chemistry and biology. Due to my enormous curiosity and interests in these two subjects, I kept pushing myself academically and got involved in many related activities-I am in AP Chemistry class and have the highest grades in all science courses I have taken so far; I actively volunteered in a Down syndrome association to fulfill my passion in disease treatment. I believe that Keck School of Medicine provides me with an ideal environment for medical study because of its partnership with Children's Hospital Los Angeles and its initiation of many research institutions. I look forward to making good use of the opportunities Keck School of Medicine will provide me with as well as gaining practical knowledge by engaging in various researches. I would also like to study fine arts at USC since I always enjoy painting and had won the certificates of statewide high school exhibition.

Thank anyone willing to help!!!!!!!

The best part about this essay is how your writing clearly shows the depth of the research you've done on USC. Your essay answers the prompt effectively and succinctly, however I would vary the beginnings of your sentences. In many cases, they begin with "I," which can get tedious after a while. The last sentence seems unnecessary, or at the very least should be mentioned earlier in the answer. Hope this helps :)

One suggestion: maybe change highest grades to just high grades? I mean yes I believe you but it sounds too much like you are advertising yourself rather than telling USC why you want to be their student.

Also, there's not much of a conclusion is there? You gotta wrap it up. Give the reader a final note to ponder about. Leave an everlasting impression.

Your content is not bad, but check grammar again! Some run-on sentences. Watch out.

It's good that you really show your strength in terms of academic there, but I agree with chocolateshoppe's suggestion on the "highest grades" part and advertising yourself. It just looks more appropriate as an outsider who wants to join the school. Also, you should justify more of the last line. If you're afraid that you'd pass the word limit, then I suggest you take the line off.

Good luck!