An impeccable determination, mixed with a dose of pure hope; describes my father's legacy. Cancer was the most difficult challenge my father had ever faced and yet his resilience to keep fighting overpowered the disease.
Before my father's diagnosis, I pretended to be a physician and treated make believe diseases. My father always chuckled at my silly treatments and played along with the game. A few years later, the pretend games we once played faded away when reality finally struck. My father was diagnosed with stomach cancer and needed real life physicians to assess his treatment. The team of physicians who handled my father's care became my superheroes. The days where I played make believe were destined to become a reality as the doctors' plight on my father's behalf inspired my desire to pursue a career in medicine.
Visiting my father in the hospital was horrifying at first. His body was weakened by the chemotherapy and I was weakened by the sight of his demeanor. There was no light and the room felt cold. I shivered and my father simply smiled. My fear turned into determination, I was in this battle as well and my tears faded. I soon began to discover my surroundings; I saw interesting machines that made noises, echoes of happiness came from the surgical ward and children came out from their vaccinations with smiles on their faces. I soon began to witness the inspiring feats performed by different physicians. My faith in medicine became even stronger because I discovered humanity's greatest strength in a hospital because it provided compelling evidence of new horizons and hope. Innovative research, new medical technology, life saving treatments and miracles that prove extraordinary things can happen, all came together and overpowered the notion of death.
As my father laid on his deathbed, he rested with a smile on his face. The light glimmered through the window and he reminded me why life is gift. My anger turned to compassion, even though I was only eleven a new light was exposed. The darkness had faded and my father left our world in serenity. At the same time of his passing a mother of two survived a heartache, a new baby girl was brought into this world and a war veteran was able to walk again. These amazing events were why my father passed with a smile on his face. He knew that the darkness grew weak as the light illuminated.
In humanity's weakest moments, we find hope, and my father was my hope. His battle with cancer has motivated my future pursuits. I discovered my dreams within a hospital and want to show the world how one girl's life can go from diagnosing make believe diseases to changing the face of medicine.
This is just a rough draft! Any feedback would be great! I really, really want to go to Georgetown (:
This is a heartwarming story and captures the reader's attention brilliantly. However I think you lose focus after the first 2 paragraphs and start talking about your father more than yourself or how his exceptional attitude influence/impacted you, or how you reacted to it. The adjectives imply you're admiration but you need to state it out.
Include a bit more of yourself into the essay and I think this would be A++ material!
Very well written indeed. The way you use this this personal experience to show the development of your passion is extremely effective. However the inspiration part serves more as a concluding element portraying what your perception of this event developed into and how that effected what you value. If you could possibly restructure this part to be at the end that might create a more profound conclusion about yourself.
Good luck applying to Georgetown
I'm applying there also ;)
It's such a beautiful college
A very well written essay. Very touching. I love the way use your personal experiment in the essay. Georgetown would love to have you :D
However, you might want to pay attention to the punctuation. I've spot some small mistakes here and there. Just read through it and you will see. Overall, great essay.
wow, this is a great essay. I like the way the paragraphs move in progression with the development of your own ideas. The message was clear and well-written!
Mind looking at my essays too?
