My father-the people who influenced me and change my life.

Hello everyone, it's my 1st time to post essay here. please help me to check my essay and give me your valuable advices. Thanks a lot! :)

Describe someone you admire and explain why you admire this person. How have you incorporated what you have learned from this individual in your life?

I admire my father because of his responsibility, career ambition and endeavor. My father was a professional engineer on his early years. One of his main businesses was to sell and service the imported tower cranes from Italy and Germany. The superior consciousness and responsibility made him to be a successful engineer at the beginning of reform and open in China. My father always studied the blueprints of those imported facilities carefully and communicated with European companies frequently. For example, after he found a hidden but important note on an instruction page which indicated the service life of his ever-sold facilities parts, he immediately informed his customers to update the spares parts of their tower cranes. While other colleagues mainly aimed at the selling of imported tower cranes at that time, my father was the first one who focus on after-sale service and client safety. This spirit enabled him to gain particular trust and praise from customers.

Now my father is a successful stock investor, this has profoundly influenced me and gradually developed my strong interests in accounting. For example, I have first-hand experience with the importance of understanding financial statement when my father was planning to invest in wine stocks. He first went to a supermarket to purchase the products of a specific winery and then invite his friends to taste them and help him analyze the financial statements of that firm. My father usually investigates listed companies carefully because of the often-misleading financial statements in China. He believes that field research is an effect way to avoid purchasing such inferior stocks as Enron Corporation.

Thus, I decided to major in accounting for my undergraduate studies so I could help my father to better understand the financial statements. My father is not an accountant, but his rigorous attitude to work and professional responsibility influenced me how to be a successful and responsible accountant. In my life, he always taught me that accountant is a highly responsible job, if you fail to fulfill this basic point, you won't be a professional accountant. I bring his training into my accounting study and internship, treating every invoices and transactions carefully. Because I realized that once I am an accountant, the only standard that I need to stick to is accurateness, professional accountability and integrity.

I admire my father because he is responsible, strives for the best and very ambitious. My father was a professional engineer on his early years. One of his main businesses was to sell and service the imported tower cranes from Italy and Germany. His superior consciousness and responsibility created a successful engineer, his next interest at the beginning of reform and open in China. My father studied the blueprints of those imported facilities carefully and communicated with European companies frequently. He was very responsible; after he found a hidden, but important note on an instruction page which indicated the service life of his ever-sold facilities parts, he immediately informed his customers to update the spares parts of their tower cranes. While other colleagues mainly aimed at the selling of imported tower cranes at that time, my father was the first one who focused on after-sale service and client safety. His spirit enabled him to gain particular trust and praise from his customers.

Now, my father is a successful stock investor, this has profoundly influenced me and gradually developed my strong interests in accounting. I have first-hand experience with the importance of understanding financial statements because I watched closely when my father was planning to invest in wine stocks. He first went to a supermarket to purchase the products of a specific winery and then invite his friends to taste them and help him analyze the financial statements of that firm. My father usually investigates listed companies carefully because of the often-misleading financial statements in China. He believes that field research is an effect way to avoid purchasing inferior stocks.

My father has influenced me to make so many good decisions; I have decided to major in accounting because I would like to help my father to better understand the financial statements. My father is not an accountant, but his rigorous attitude to work and commitment to professional responsibility influenced me to be a successful and responsible accountant. He always told me that an accountant is a highly responsible job. I bring his training into my accounting study and internship, treating all invoices and transactions carefully. Once I am an accountant, the only standard that I need to stick to is accurateness, professional accountability and integrity.

Comments:
Is it you or your father that has to better understand the financial statements - 1st sentence, last paragraph.
NEVER start a sentence with "Because!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your last sentence might just be your best sentence after my corrections.
You are using a lot of "I" and this essay is more about your father than you.
Colleges are looking to assess you and how great you are, not how great your father is.
I think that tying in your father is a good idea and I encourage you to; however, you have to make it more about YOU and tie your father in without focusing just on him.