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I fell in love with the campus at CMU ; Carnegie Mellon Admissions Essay



haayounglee 2 / 7  
Nov 27, 2013   #1
MY ESSAY:
(I'm applying to the Industrial Design program in the College of Fine Arts!)

I never would have guessed that my dreams and aspirations would jump out so suddenly, so fatefully at me in one fleeting instant. My senior year of high school approached, and I soon began the tedious yet rewarding process of college applications. However, by this point, I was still largely unsure of which career I should pursue. Should I choose a career based off of my academic abilities? Or maybe one that let me explore my lifelong love of art instead. These polar opposite choices baffled me and I often found myself laying wide awake late at night, pondering the positives and negatives of each hypothetical decision. I was unaware that my answer lay mere inches in front of me. It was on one occasion after class that my English teacher, who also serves as the advisor for Afterglow, our school's art and literary magazine, approached me and told me that she needed someone to design the cover of Afterglow, and that she had heard I had a knack for art. My heart skipped a beat. I would be designing the cover of a magazine that people would actually pay for and admire. The process of designing and creating the cover of Afterglow was exhausting, but I managed to create a piece of art which I felt evoked my simplistic style perfectly. To this day, my proudest and most memorable recollection is the day when Afterglow was finally printed, and I was able to call the cover my own. I knew that nothing but design could provide me with such a perfect oasis of creativity and challenge.

So here I am, hoping to delve into the study of Industrial Design at Carnegie Mellon University. I feel that melding both art and design into one cohesive major will help me experience a wide array of creative fields, and will also provide me with more practical opportunities as I search for a career in the near future. The concept of designing a product, making it more visually appealing and useful to human beings, deeply fascinates me. We began as primitive beings utilizing nothing more than stones as weapons and our fingers as utensils - now, reflect on the profound array of products that aid us in our daily lives. Industrial Design is the basis of modernization and ultimately the growth and well-being of our civilization. I specifically admire the concepts of furniture design, as I feel that designing a certain piece of furniture to resemble a beautiful work of art is nothing less than amazing. In this way, I will be able to meld my love for art and aesthetics with newfound principles of product design. The nationally acclaimed curriculum that the Industrial Design program at Carnegie Mellon University offers will enable me to successfully pursue a career designing furniture in the future.

I fell in love with the campus at CMU during a tour I attended in the summer of my junior year of high school. Carnegie Mellon's location in Pittsburgh is ideal for students wishing to obtain careers in a large city. Such an urban and diverse setting will enable me to easily search for occupations specializing in Industrial Design, and will also provide me with a unique setting to explore and admire. The vibrancy and diversity of students I witnessed excited me as well, as I knew I will be able to encounter unique individuals from all over the world.

I am beyond excited to explore my artistic talents and become familiar with vital aspects of design while immersing myself in an environment where my fellow peers share similar interests as I do; by collaborating with my peers, I will be able to gain new experiences and learn from the talents of others. Not only will I be able to learn from those within Carnegie Mellon's Fine Arts department, but those from all of its other departments as well. I admire the sense of determination and drive for success that seems to permeate throughout the entire campus. Carnegie Mellon is recognized across the country for its innovative curriculum as well as its world-renowned professors; I will take full advantage of these gratuitous resources, and utilize them to enhance my understanding on the principles of design.

I'm no Rembrandt, and who knows if I'm the next Andy Warhol. All I know is that I love both art and design, and I wish to pursue a career in Industrial design wholeheartedly at CMU.

Opinions and suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Kondite - / 44  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
I enjoyed reading your essay and I can feel your interest in design. My suggestion for your essay would be to start and end your supplement with a story instead of ending your story in the first paragraph. Elaborate more on your last paragraph or just add your last sentence into the paragraph before it.
OP haayounglee 2 / 7  
Nov 28, 2013   #3
Thanks for the input!
Do you mean I should start the story in the first paragraph and end it in the last?
Kondite - / 44  
Nov 29, 2013   #4
Yea. Continue to relate your story into your academic interests and end the story at the conclusion.
Shilay 5 / 12  
Dec 30, 2013   #5
[Moved from]: NYU(Gallatin)- where, exactly, would you like to study at NYU - and why?

I like the fact that you described your way towards decision of studying at NYU - it clearly shows that it is a perfect place for you.

If you have to cut something down...well, I would delete general statements, like: "Design is the basis of modernization and ultimately the growth and well-being of our civilization.". Your essay is very personal and that is its advantage.
quanny 9 / 36  
Dec 31, 2013   #6
i think u can cut down the first para, coz it does not tell anything besides u are unsure... ur later part is good, coz it shows ur possible interests to the school
scatano81 2 / 3  
Dec 31, 2013   #7
Should I choose a career based off of my academic abilities? Or maybe one that lets me explore my lifelong love of art and design instead .

I think it's a bit redundant to say "Or maybe" and "instead" in when talking about the same thing in one sentence. Apart from that everything seems great! The word limit is 500 on the Common App once you input the writing so be careful with that! I am also applying to NYU so hopefully we'll both get acceptance letters! Good luck to you!
OP haayounglee 2 / 7  
Dec 31, 2013   #8
Ah nice catch! Thank you!
I managed to trim it down to about 580 now.. gosh this is hard haha.


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