Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

"I felt betrayed" Common Application Essay: personal/local concern and its importance

kojirurules 1 / -  
Sep 21, 2010   #1
It'd be really helpful and I'd be really grateful if anyone could spare a few minutes to read over my essay and give advice. Thanks.

Q: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------
It never really occurred to me how love between two girls or two guys was such a big deal until my junior of high school. I remember watching a commercial on YouTube during my sophomore year, saying yes to Prop 8 because if same-sex marriage stayed legal in California, it would result in public schools teaching children that gay marriage was okay. I remember thinking how strange people were, being so against gay marriage when it was really none of their business because if you're not part of the gay community, then you shouldn't be the one deciding for them if they can marry or not. And I remember saying to myself that maybe that's what people think now, but I'm sure that in the future people will be more open to accept gay marriage because children today are growing up in a more open and diverse community. So I brushed that issue aside, hoping that was all I ever had to think about on it. Apparently, it wasn't.

I have always been someone to exercise skinship, a Japanese-English term that generally means bonding through physical contact, such as holding hands or hugging. But I respect the people who are against it and I don't push myself on them. Though there was one particular girl that I shared a special relationship with. We've been friends since freshmen year and I often had classes with her. Sometimes we'd hold hands and occasionally we would faire la bise, to kiss cheeks, which is a French greeting that we picked up during French class. The things we did together that I saw to be normal, other people found disturbing. And I was never aware of it and would have stayed that way if a close friend of mine hadn't pointed it out to me.

One day, during our passing period from French to US history, my friend, who I will keep anonymous, whispered to me, "There are some rumors going around about you and Becky."

I looked at her, confused, and asked, "What rumors?"
"That you and Becky are lesbians."
I was surprised. Up till then, I hadn't heard about such rumors. As we walked to our history class, she kept talking about the rumor and how I should do something about it. Now, this friend was someone who didn't like skinship. So I figured she just must not like my skinship with Becky. But then I wondered why would she care? She wasn't the center of the rumor. I learned that sometimes some things should just not be asked, so I didn't ask her anything and I just listened to her. The next day, I went to my group of friends and told them what had happened and asked them if they had heard any of the rumors. They all told me no. If they hadn't heard about the rumors, then it must not be such a big deal is what I thought and I put the matter aside and continued my day. But again, during passing period from French to US history, my friend brought up the whole rumor thing. And it continued for the next few days. Each time, she'd tell me how far the rumor was spreading and repeatedly told me that I should stop. But stop what? I wasn't hurting anybody nor was I offending anyone.

And then she added, "Don't you care about her reputation?"
When she said this, I began to feel like a victim, a target of this injustice. The rumors were obviously not true. Even if they were true, were two girls in love something to be ashamed of? For her to say such a thing to me, I felt hurt.

It bothered me very much, so I decided to chat with my friend Jennifer, who was a lesbian. I have nothing against gays. In fact, I admire and look up to them, because they people are people who stand up for what they believe in, who are doing no harm to society, and yet who have deal with so much negativity directed towards them just because they love someone of the same gender. I strongly believe that everyone should have the right to pursue happiness, and that includes the discriminated gay community. I told Jennifer about what was going on and after I finished explaining she asked me, "Is she afraid of gay people?" I told her that couldn't be possible because our school is so diverse, not only on the ethnical and racial level, but also in sexual relationships, so she'd have said something if that was an issue. Then Jennifer asked me, "Ok, then is she afraid of being friends with someone who is gay?"

I thought about Jennifer's question. It could have been a possibility. I could somewhat see where my friend got her thinking from. We grow up following other people and anyone out of the ordinary will definitely be noticed and be pointed out. Being a gay or a lesbian will obviously attract attention, and being friends with one will also not go unnoticed. But if you are their friend, you should be open-minded, accept them and support them, not be against them. That was why I was bitter. My friend was against me and I felt betrayed. I wanted to yell at her, but I didn't.

I told her that this was a matter between me and Becky and I wished for her to step out. She told me she was sorry for being so persistent and explained that she was only looking out for me. She didn't want other people to look at me and Becky weird and talk about us behind out backs. I thanked her for that. Like all rumors, this one, given time, eventually died out and all went back to the way it was. For those few days, I found myself in the shoes of a gay person. Of course, I was only stigmatized, which is just the tip of the ice berg of what gay people have to face in society. And I know that when I was singled out, I wanted someone to be there for me, supporting me. From this experience, I believe I am entitled to act more justly toward someone who is being stigmatized.
braiden992 - / 18  
Sep 22, 2010   #2
Not really sure what the guidelines are, but unless you are in high school or are a freshman in college, you should try and refrain from personal narratives. Instead, write in third person and put more energy into explaining the issue on a national or international level.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 25, 2010   #3
So I brushed that issue aside, hoping that was all I ever had to think about on it. Apparently, it wasn't.

Wow, very good. I like this part...

It never really occurred to me how love between two girls or two guys was such a big deal until my junior of high school. ----Maybe it will be better without this sentence! Isn't that a weird idea? But just look at how the essay would be without it. That intro would be clearer and more intense.

Hey, this is excellent, but I think the right thing to do is condense the story to half the size and spend plenty of time discussing the ISSUE. The story cannot be more than half the essay. You need to discuss things like Don't Ask Don't Tell, legislation about gay marriage, etc... the issue.


issue gay marriage arguments

Home / Undergraduate / "I felt betrayed" Common Application Essay: personal/local concern and its importance