Can someone tell me what I can improve for the answer I gave on this college application question?
The Question:
Use the box below to reflect on how your involvement in a particular extracurricular activity (or activities) may have shaped your plan to study in the program(s) you had selected for U of T Engineering. We highly encourage you to use this space to articulate your interest(s) for your selected Engineering program(s). (250 words or less)
My Answer:
It was my final match of the day for 3rd place in the tournament, and I wasn't planning to lose. To my surprise, my opponent was Jacob, whom I had lost to in my first match. Jacob was tall, skinny, and fierce. The game started, and I immediately got myself locked up with him. I was being pushed back close to the edge of the mat until I went for the takedown. I successfully held his legs and threw him to the ground, gaining 4 points. After a short time, we took a break, and I was in the lead. So, I took a sip of water, stepped back onto the mat, and got ready for round two. I held my distance from Jacob, hoping to stall long enough for the round to end. Eventually, I realized that stalling gave him more opportunities to attack, so I went for the pin. I quickly brought him to the ground. While breathing heavily, I blinked, and I found myself inches away from being pinned. Immediately, I rolled to my stomach, saving my lead and winning the game.
The same way I analyzed my opponent's movements and adjusted my tactics, I look forward to tackling complex engineering problems with creativity and resilience. Whether collaborating with peers or testing designs, my wrestling experience has prepared me to persevere through the challenges ahead and contribute meaningfully to the U of T electrical engineering program.
The Question:
Use the box below to reflect on how your involvement in a particular extracurricular activity (or activities) may have shaped your plan to study in the program(s) you had selected for U of T Engineering. We highly encourage you to use this space to articulate your interest(s) for your selected Engineering program(s). (250 words or less)
My Answer:
It was my final match of the day for 3rd place in the tournament, and I wasn't planning to lose. To my surprise, my opponent was Jacob, whom I had lost to in my first match. Jacob was tall, skinny, and fierce. The game started, and I immediately got myself locked up with him. I was being pushed back close to the edge of the mat until I went for the takedown. I successfully held his legs and threw him to the ground, gaining 4 points. After a short time, we took a break, and I was in the lead. So, I took a sip of water, stepped back onto the mat, and got ready for round two. I held my distance from Jacob, hoping to stall long enough for the round to end. Eventually, I realized that stalling gave him more opportunities to attack, so I went for the pin. I quickly brought him to the ground. While breathing heavily, I blinked, and I found myself inches away from being pinned. Immediately, I rolled to my stomach, saving my lead and winning the game.
The same way I analyzed my opponent's movements and adjusted my tactics, I look forward to tackling complex engineering problems with creativity and resilience. Whether collaborating with peers or testing designs, my wrestling experience has prepared me to persevere through the challenges ahead and contribute meaningfully to the U of T electrical engineering program.
