Questbridge National College Match: Proudest Achievement Short Answer Question

Question:

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

(Word limit: 200)

"I would like to call (first name, last name) and congratulate him for becoming a first-degree Black Belt!" my grandmaster exclaimed as I smiled vigorously. I envisioned this moment since the first day I stepped foot on the mat during the summer going into the eighth grade. There were countless empty days and nights where I thought to myself "why am I doing this?" or "I just want it all to end." Fortunately, I was able to let go of this negative mindset and channeled it into motivation. Through pure hard work and dedication, I was able to undergo one of the most rigorous training I have ever witnessed. Being able to overcome the never-ending blood, sweat, and tears since day 1 is an accomplishment I take immense pride in. I held up the certificate of completion for my academy and parents to take photos of. As I looked at my parents, I see the glistening eyes of my mother and father who were so proud of me. They imagined this very moment ever since my father saw an ad on a giant billboard. This was a bittersweet moment I will never forget.

Any feedback is appreciated! Thank you :D

Well, this is certainly a character building explanation if I ever read one. Martial arts disciples are known for their tenacity and ability to focus when needed on long term goals, as proven by the blackbelt of the writer. The information is certainly one that the reviewer will take note of. However, I am not sure how the billboard ad that the father saw years before relates to the discussion requirement. I think that is the father's proudest achievement in some way, but it does not apply in relation to the proudest achievement of the child. Maybe there is something missing in the story? Additional content is needed to help it relate to the original prompt topic.