'Finally!' - Common Application Essay (significant experience)

Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you.

Finally! My Pre Calculus class was over for the day and my friend Tristan promised that he would take me to Chinatown! I had been looking forward to going to Chinatown and exploring, and this was finally my chance. We went to Union Square and took the N train to Canal Street. After arriving, my first impression was that the area looked like Washington Heights with Chinese letters. My hopes and excitement were instantaneously crushed.

He started walking and then stopped. He told me to lead, knowing that I wanted to explore the area. I went in every direction until I found Elizabeth Street, which had an import electronics store that had all kinds of electronics at steep prices. Looking at my wallet, I quickly realized that I would not be able to afford much of anything from that store.

I went down Elizabeth Street, with Tristan following me, until I saw a building with the words "Elizabeth Center" on it. I asked Tristan what it was and he said to go in. I went inside and down an escalator and found an underground mall full of stores that sell electronics, videogames, and anime merchandise! I ran through all the stores looking around and realized that they sold things at a cheap price. I decided that I had to buy souvenirs for my friends and bought different key chains for my close friends and a blue Bleach key chain that matched my bag. I decided that I would come back later with my other friends when I have more money. I told Tristan I was done and we went up the escalator and left.

He followed me down Elizabeth Street and then we went to Vivi Bubble Tea. I never tried or heard of bubble tea, but he convinced me to try some so I bought one. At first it tasted great, it was one of the best drinks I ever had in my life! But then the tapioca started going up the straw, I was immediately surprised and disgusted. I tried to drink more but the spheres of tapioca kept coming up the straw. I decided to change to a small straw and managed to finish most of it. We walked to Mott Street and went to the Chinatown Arcade. I was excited because I heard rumors about how great it was, but the second I went in the smell of body odor immediately entered and I had to step out. I held my breath and went back in; this time it was not so bad. I am afraid I became used to it. I was excited because they had Street Fighter IV. I decided to play a match and, needless to say, I was beaten badly. However, it was a great match and I had fun nonetheless.

After that, night had approached and we decided to start heading home. My hopes and reality collided that day and the greater of the two, the realistic part, ended up being better than anything I could have imagined.

You don't describe much of what impact this experience had on you. This topic is a bit boring, it doesn't grab my attention because there doesn't seem to be anything significant about this outing. Try to turn your simple story into something more intricate and interesting. Good luck.

Pick a different topic. You need a moving life experience that helped shaped the way you see the world. This isn't one. Pick one of your core values, and ask yourself where it comes from, and the experiences that spring to mind should be more along the lines of what you need.

That sounds like a fun day, but not exactly the kind of significant, life-shaping experience that belongs in an application essay. Your writing is fine and the narrative moves along nicely; it's just that the story isn't quite weighty enough to carry an essay.

Videogames and drinks won't get you accepted. Pick something more meaningful.

definitely needs to be more meaningful. and the beginning needs to have more spark!