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The first day I came to New Zealand - UC Personal Statement



tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 23, 2013   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My life, from South Korea to New Zealand, has been an amazing hybridization of diverse cultural experiences that have molded me into a broad-minded, energetic teenager. Unlike the single-mindedness of many Koreans, my parents not only pushed me to excel academically, but inculcated in me a desire to be a well-rounded person. My liberal father motivated me to pursue a wide array of interests, ranging from linguistics to opera and even bungee jumping. When my mom encouraged me to study in New Zealand after I graduated from middle school, I felt as if I were jumping off a bungee platform for the first time - daunted yet thrilled by the exciting new possibilities ahead.

An enduring memory was made on the first day I came to New Zealand, when I saw a man playing the violin on Queen Street on a rainy day. I kept asking myself, 'Why is he playing when no one is around?' I discovered later that the man had been 'busking' in order to feed his family. I was inspired by his confidence, courage and resourcefulness. It was a truly eye-opening experience.

A year later, after having become enamored with hip-hop and playing the cello in my school orchestra, I decided to try busking. Initially nervous, I soon found myself rendering performances on the streets, earning small amounts of money, some of which I donated to the Red Cross where I volunteered every weekend.

This experience was significant to me as it helped me break out of my shell and learn to function beyond the narrow confines of a life that until my arrival here was restricted to a rigid pattern and cultural perspective until I arrived here. I began to relish invigorating new activities, such as recording hip-hop with my friend, volunteering at a Rest Home and mentoring junior students. I gained more confidence in speaking English and was introduced to a diverse and colorful world with unlimited promise. I also worked as a volunteer cashier, gaining basic yet indispensable skills in economics, and real work experience.

My past four years in New Zealand have given me the confidence to plough forward to pursue my goals with perseverance and motivation. Whatever I decide to study in college or pursue as a career, I will continue to make music because it is an indispensable part of my identity. The world I come from is one that has shown me what is important is not so much material considerations as the willingness to explore and create a niche that is defined by my own passions.

I am once again prepared to strap on the bungee belt and launch myself into a thrilling realm of possibilities in America. This time, I am not so much intimidated as confident and eager to explore what this exciting new world offers. And when I do eventually land, I will be content in the knowledge that this is an opportunity to realize my potential and contribute to the world around me.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

"Ben! You shouldn't be hanging around the music room constantly!" It was the principal. "You can't make it as a producer, man!" That was my friend. "You went there to study! Remember?" And my mother, of course.

I had only been in New Zealand for a year, a young rube from Korea who was still struggling with basic English. In the room of my best friend who had been writing lyrics as a hobby, I listened to 'Sideline Story', a song by rapper J. Cole. "I put my heart and soul in this game. I'm feeling drained - unappreciated, unalleviated." The beats riveted me; the lyrics seared my soul and stirred something in me.

Not much later, after hearing a heartbreaking story of domestic violence from my friend, I began to see hip-hop as both a powerful means of self-expression and an important social tool. Although I was discouraged by my parents and friends who felt that my budding interest in music was pointless, I felt otherwise.

My friend and I collaborated to create our first ever hip-hop song about his struggles living in a broken home wracked by violence and abuse. However, it was to be more than just a song - it would transform into a story of hope. Complete newcomers, we set about finding a cheap but decent recording studio. Fiercely motivated, I sent hundreds of emails to producers in the hope of securing the services of a well-priced professional.

As a result of my relentless efforts, we found a studio which, while located far away, was willing to help. We successfully recorded the song and entered it in the International Songwriting competition. Knowing we would be pitted against professional and experienced musicians, we had not expected much - we just wanted our voices and story heard.

Four months later, the results were announced. We were thrilled to be declared semi-finalists of approximately 1,500, no mean feat considering that there were approximately 22,000 entrants. We had not won an Emmy, but I nevertheless felt an enormous surge of pride and elation. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone to do what I had only dreamed of allowed me to experience the true joy of achievement and the power to touch others through music.

I kept producing music, not just hip-hop, but other genres as well, and embarked on a soul-searching journey that has been truly enlightening. It began with a chance encounter at a friend's house and a simple beat - a beat called the rhythm of life that continues to pound proudly in my heart.

I resisted the urge to gloat when I heard my principal grudgingly concede, "Congratulations, Ben! You made it!" My victory was in the knowledge that if I set my heart and mind to something, dreamt big and worked hard, ignored negative influences and pessimism, I could succeed. It was a resounding endorsement of my belief that perseverance and courage, with a lot of hard work, was all it took to succeed.

BachChaconne2 1 / 94  
Dec 24, 2013   #3
tbtehfdl77

Do you want a simple critique of your personal statement?
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 24, 2013   #4
yeah man both rating and critique~ detail as possible man :)
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 24, 2013   #5
bumpbumpbumpbumpbump
admission2012 - / 475  
Dec 24, 2013   #6
The UC application period is closed. You already submitted these essays. No need to worry about it now. Absolutely nothing you can do about it. The only thing I can say from reading these essays is that you talk a lot about music. I sure hope you selected music or a music related major to study. -Admissions Advice Online
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 24, 2013   #7
i know its over lol but u know,,,just anxious,,,, no i didn't select music as my major. I chose Economics as my major, because the counselor told me that personal statement is about myself, so i do not need to mention about 'economics'. But i did have awards related to economics.
BachChaconne2 1 / 94  
Dec 24, 2013   #8
I like your personal statement. In my opinion, you answered the prompts satisfactorily.
karanbhullar 3 / 13  
Dec 24, 2013   #9
Don't worry I selected engineering as my major and wrote about everything but engineering. And BTW your essay is good, better than mine atleast
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 25, 2013   #10
Thank you everybody :) and karan i'll read your essay tmrw :)
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 25, 2013   #11
Karan i replied! :) and thnx man
AnnieKim611 3 / 12  
Dec 25, 2013   #12
"Unlike the single-mindedness of many Koreans" this part I found really offensive. I am Korean (and white) and I'm pretty sure this statement contradicts with being a well-rounded person because your basically stereotyping "Many Koreans"...

just a thought! but hey, it looked good otherwise.
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 26, 2013   #13
U clearly misunderstood my point, i was trying to emphasize that my parents were like that,,,,not to criticize many koreans,,,,, Everyone said it was ok except you,,,,just a thought lol
Ghadah - / 5  
Dec 28, 2013   #15
Hello Ben,

I only read the first essay. I think the essay shows how multifaceted you are, it pinpoints your maturity and awareness. I believe you made a good choice of topic because it shows how committed you are to pursuing multiple passions with motivation. It shows how aware you are of the factors that shaped your personality and tendencies. Overall, I'd say good job.

Please take a look at mine and tell me your opinion frankly. Look at the revised version not the first one please. I should be submitting it in three days.
OP tbtehfdl77 1 / 10  
Dec 29, 2013   #16
Thanks Ghada, i really appreciate your comment. I'll reply in the nxt couple of days man thnx


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