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"my first-degree black belt" - MIT -- Most significant challenge



InArts 1 / 2  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.

It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.

And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.

The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.

By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.

I won, 5-4.

At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. If I had skipped as usual, I never would have understood what I was capable of.

Just do it.

--------------------------------------

I have a feeling that the last line doesn't fit very well, any comments/critiques are welcome (especially critiques).

amjeezy 5 / 17  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
LOOL nike...just do it hahaha. anyway really well written essay. it is amazing seeing how you grew from being unsure, to being confident. the only part i would change would be just do it because it makes you seem more careless. if you could make it more sophisticated in a sense i would "do it " xP
Guest /  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
You're right, the last line doesn't fit very well. It sounds like it came out of nowhere. (Plus, it's a slogan) I think the last paragraph is enough to sum up the story; however, I don't like, "But, more importantly, I had beaten myself." The paragraph is strong enough to stand without that addition. Otherwise, I think it's great. I would suggest going into even further detail, but I don't know what the word limit is. Hope this helped.

Can help me and review my Common Application essay, please?
OP InArts 1 / 2  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
Edited the ending:

It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.

It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.

And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.

The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.

By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.

I won, 5-4.

At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. Confidence comes from doing, and yeah, it gets easier.


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