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I followed my dad/ Johns Hopkins Supp/ Something about you


ayue7890 1 / 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Topic: Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)"

Please help with this essay, and critique about content, and also please give me advice on whether this is a unique essay or not, and how to make it better (along with any grammar stuff you see).

My life dream is to become a medical doctor. It has been gradually shaped and intensified by two aspects.

I began to battle with language developmental delay since I was thirty months old which has greatly pushed me to learn more about its etiology. When I was little, I started wondering: How come there is language developmental delay? Why could this happen? This curiosity drove me to look for the answers. As a child, I spent a lot of time trying to learn more about this mystery and its causes. I frequently went through my dad's medical books searching for answers; I have read many Internet articles, hoping to better understand this mysterious disease. The more I searched, the more I wanted to know and the stronger the desire I had to study medicine.

My family environment also played a role, especially my dad, who is a hematopathologist. As a child, I often followed my dad to his work. Standing inside my dad's office, I was surrounded by microscopes and medical books. I was excited to see the objects under the microscopes which sparked my desire to learn more about them. I often wondered what the objects under the microscopes were and spent time curiously reading my dad's medical books. I felt fascinated when my dad talked about sub-cellular structure changes associated with various diseases.

Now, as I prepare to graduate from high school, I desire to go to college to become well-equipped and well-prepared to pursue my long-term dream.

thanks! And please be as harsh as you can with the critiques when critiquing this essay
aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
ayue7890
Hi
it is unclear assay. there are many grammatical errors. for example
I began to battle with language developmental delay since I was thirty months old
maybe you mean that:
My battle with language developmental delay was started before thirty months ...
good luck
OP ayue7890 1 / 2  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
bump 10 char


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