Following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity - Common App

Common App - Failure, How it Affected You and What You Learned

Over the word count. I need advise on what I need to cut down on and also, how I could improve it ... thanks!
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As a student in a new school, in an environment different from what I'd experienced before, I was unsure of myself. I made the decision to do the IB program but I hadn't considered the void I would feel in the friends I left behind in my school of 13 years. That void was filled when I found that my school had an active debate club ... active, until the year before. Students who had previously run the club had passed-out and since there was no clear succession, the club was discontinued.

Being one to always see opportunity, I found myself walking up to Mr. Alvaro's office, unsure what he would think of my proposition. Mr. Alvaro had overseen the debate club the year before.

I knocked, smiled and spoke all at once.

"... sir, I can run the debate club."

He was taken aback by my straightforwardness but agreed that it would be a good idea. Overjoyed, I immediately began preparing for the first debate session mentally.

With the help of a friend, I publicized the re-opening of the club in every classroom of our high-school. On the preparations front, I spent hours on YouTube watching every type of debate imaginable - political, school-level, university-level.

The D-day rolled in. I was ready to douse all the information I'd absorbed. I put on a confident front for those twelve people who attended, masking the nervousness I really felt. A good ten minutes went in explaining the debate format after which, I announced the topic we would be discussing. It was all very matter-of-fact and as the final bell rang, signaling the end of school, I knew it hadn't gone how I'd hoped. The attendees didn't enthusiastically answer the questions I asked like I'd imagined they would. Speeches were well below time. And, worst of all, I found people yawning, uninterested.

Given these symptoms, unsurprisingly, only half the people attended the next session. Stoic but really crushed on the inside, I quickly wrote the topic on the board. Having split the attendees into two groups - pro and con, we debated whether 'Sports teams should be penalized for the misbehavior of their fans.' Sports would definitely get people interested, I thought. It did. I was happy to see good conversation on the topic.

But at the next session, attendance dwindled further.

What was I doing wrong - I was putting in the hours, I had interesting topics but the response seen was not in the least proportionate to my effort.

I began to see low attendance as a sign of my incompetence and this affected my confidence. The initial enthusiasm I had for debate club became dread. Insidiously, I began to accept the situation as one that could not be changed. Students were simply not interested in debate; I blamed it on their superficiality.

Days became weeks and weeks, months. As a last resort to attracting members for the club, I organized a debate competition. Unsurprisingly, a few people who had signed-up didn't show but - serendipity! Students passionately exchanged ideas and points on issues ranging from Snowden's information leak to capital punishment to even the less-serious, 'should we be forced to wear uniform.'

It dawned on me.

What was ostensibly the fault of an uninterested student body, was actually the fault of a rigid, uncompromising and sometimes, boring approach to running debate club.

The biggest lesson I learned was that following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity - I realize the need for reflection and consequently, change, when a certain approach does not work. In hindsight, I realize I never did once ask the attendees why they didn't want to attend. I hadn't asked because I didn't want to confront the possibility that my approach might be the issue - I was too proud. Finding the humility to find the issue would have meant a better year for debate at DIA.

I like your essay, although I think there is too much description of the situation. You should write more about what you learned from the experience. The essay is to learn your personal qualities, not about the way to run a club. Maybe you should add that you learned some other important things like "never give up", "nothing can be done decently alone".

To shorten it you can omit some details, like this:

I began to see low attendance as a sign of my incompetence and this affected my confidence. The initial enthusiasm I had for debate club, became dread. Insidiously, I began to accept the situation as one that could not be changed. Students were simply not interested in debate; they were all materialistic and superficial, I thought.

I think this part can be deleted entirely.

I agree with vlad7777. You make great points and the lesson is clear. Nonetheless, you spent too much of your essay describing the event and not what you learned. I honestly want to know what you got out of this experience more but I can't because you extended the word count explaining the event. Don't get me wrong, your description of the experience was great but you could maybe avoid repeating some ideas such as "I was a new student and in charge of running a club." We already know that. Now maybe expand on what you learned from all of it because I do want to know more about your recognition of the fact that "following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity".

God bless and best of luck!!

I like how you managed to incorporate humor into a normally serious essay (active... until last year) and your conclusion is excellent, please keep it. The content is very well-narrated. The focus of this essay should be the failure - tepid response to your debate sessions - and the relfection - last 3 paragraphs. With regard to the word count, I suggest making the intro less lengthy - just make a statement that you started at a new school and wanted to restart the defunct club. The narration in the middle can also be made less lengthy without losing the essence of what you want to convey.

650 words. Let me know what you think. Appreciate the feedback.