Fordham Essay - Describe a significant life experience; 'Losing someone in life'

Losing someone in life is never an easy thing, but losing my brother was monumental. Even though I was only five, I still felt every ounce of pain and grief. I felt the weight of the car that smashed into his motorcycle that night on my shoulders everyday. I carried around that weight until somehow I managed to build strength from it. His accident showed me the misery that can so swimmingly be derived from life, but the beauty in it all. His accident showed me that in times of weakness, only strength can be found. I know this sounds ridiculous, but through his death I found myself. I realized that I did not need someone by my side to get through life. I could do things by myself and still be fine. But most importantly, I realized how experiencing such a struggle could only make me triumphant in the end. I could have easily given up on everything and everyone and wallowed in self-pity, but instead I decided to live my life in my brother's name. I decided that I would not let Gregory's death go in vain. I would turn every negative to a positive, and become a better person. I would not let struggles get the best of me, but instead, I would turn them into greatness.

***What more should i add to relate back to the person i am today?

You mention how you still "feel every ounce of pain and grief." Make sure that you change the rest of the essay into present tense. In my opinion, It makes the essay more personal, and in turn helps the reader relate more to you. You did a good job relating his death to who you are now but maybe you could add that you want to make your brother proud by becoming the best person that you can become, you strive to reach all your goals, etc.

Hope this helps!