My free time - hunching over my laptop, with my headphones on, messing around with my MIDI keyboard

voocatcher 3 / 13

Dec 22, 2014 #1

Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (100 to 250 words)

Dear would-be roommate

I very much look forward to meeting you. I am Vincent from Singapore. I am sure you are anxious to know what sort of person I am like and whether we would be compatible living together, just as I am. Let me tell you a little about myself.

In my free time you will see me hunching over my laptop, with my headphones on, messing around with my MIDI keyboard. I sincerely hope you don't see me as the typical nerdy Asian. I would do anything to dispel that stereotype. I will have you know that I am a wannabe electronic music producer, my playlist is only filled with electronic dance music, and in the club, look for me on the dance floor, not in the recessed corner. I would go to your friend's party if you invited me and I would love it if you invited your friends over to our room for parties on weekends; I would be happy to be the DJ.

I wonder if watching television is a staple for you, because if it is, I would love to share a Netflix subscription. We don't have that in our country though, so be warned that I may be addicted to it in the beginning. I love comedy, and am waiting impatiently for the next season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm". I am open to other genres though, just don't recommend "Game of Thrones". TV should be a platform of relaxation, not something that increases your cortisol level!

P.S. When we first meet, please do not mind if I get carried away inundating you with questions about your culture. I get excited when I meet a person with a culture different from mine, and it automatically makes that person interesting!

xoxokm0725 1 / 2

Dec 23, 2014 #2

I think It has your personality and you shouldn't stress too much on something that is not you :)

Good luck with the admissions!

vangiespen - / 4077

Dec 23, 2014 #3

Excellent work! I am already looking forward to living with you and I am not even enrolled in your university. It sounds like you are going to be a fun and interesting room mate. I have to caution you though, there may be times when there will be cultural differences between the two of you so I think you should make reference to that in the letter as something that the two of you can also consider a bonding moment since you will be having a cultural exchange of sorts. Aside from that suggestion, I really think this letter is sure to relax your future room mate :-)

OP voocatcher 3 / 13

Dec 23, 2014 #4

Thanks for the feedback. I was surprised that both of you like it because I felt dissatisfied by it. Anyway, here's the revised essay, incorporating the culture part. Please help me to check if I made any grammar, punctuation, spelling and sentence structure errors as well. Thank you.

vangiespen - / 4077

Dec 23, 2014 #5

With that simple P.S. line, you have managed to let your room mate know that you are a person who is open to all avenues of learning and that you are willing to teach that person about your own culture as well. I don't see why you felt dissatisfied with this letter. It really is effective and presents you in a highly positive light. Whoever becomes your room mate should consider himself lucky. You are on track to being the room mate of the year in my opinion :-) The sentence structure is informal and allows for a more relaxed use of the American English language. There are some grammar corrections in order though.

I very much look forward to meeting you. I am Vincent from Singapore. I am sure you are anxious to know what sort of person I am ~~like~~ and whether we would be compatible living togethe~~r, just as I am~~ . Let me tell you a little about myself

In my free time

- During my free...

We don't have that in our country~~though,~~ so be warned

Aside from those corrections, you should be very confident with the way that your letter will be received. There is nothing negative about it to be said :-)

OP voocatcher 3 / 13

Dec 23, 2014 #6

I really can't thank you enough vangiespen!! Can you help look through my extra-curricular essays too for final corrections?

OP voocatcher 3 / 13

Dec 24, 2014 #7

vangiespen, I had some last-minute questions before submission.

Regarding this paragraph:

Does the sentence "I would do anything to dispel that stereotype" make sense or even work in the context of this paragraph? I was re-reading it and thought it would be better to change it to "I sincerely hope you don't see me as the typical nerdy Asian, because I am going to dispel that stereotype."

Also, is the sentence "I will have you know that I am a wannabe electronic music producer, my playlist is only filled with electronic dance music, and in the club, ~~look for me~~ you will find me on the dance floor, not in the recessed corner." too lengthy and disorganized?

vangiespen - / 4077

Dec 26, 2014 #8

Does the sentence "I would do anything to dispel that stereotype" make sense or even work in the context of this paragraph? I was re-reading it and thought it would be better to change it to "I sincerely hope you don't see me as the typical nerdy Asian, because I am going to dispel that stereotype."

- Either version of the statement will work. It means the same thing with only the sentence construction serving as the variation to the way the idea is presented.

Also, is the sentence "I will have you know that I am a wannabe electronic music producer, my playlist is only filled with electronic dance music, and in the club, look for me you will find me on the dance floor, not in the recessed corner." too lengthy and disorganized?

- One thing you have to know about essay writing is that if you, as the writer, feel that something is wrong with the sentence or paragraph that you wrote, there most likely is a problem so you should have the confidence to go ahead and correct it. We will only guide you towards the polishing of your essay. That said, I would have polished this statement this way; " I am also a wanna be electronic music producer. My playlist houses only electronic dance music that would have me on the dance floor of a club instead of a recessed corner." If you think that my presentation will work for you, then feel free to use it :-)

OP voocatcher 3 / 13

Dec 26, 2014 #9

Thank you Louisa :) Can you take a look at my essay on extra-curricular activity? I would appreciate it!