Some people believe that children should do organized activities in their free time while other believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time.
Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
Activities in the free time of children continue to be a controversial topic, some people think that children should be encouraged to participate in pre-organized activities, while others contend that everyone should be free to choose their own leisure activities. There are valid arguments on both side, which I will discuss now.
On the one hand, engaging organized activities is certainly beneficial for children. It is true that these activities have well-research to bring vital soft skills to children like team spirit and cooperation when they get involve in group activities. For example, many team sports such as football or basketball help children learn how to work with their teammates to achieve their goals. Furthermore, organized activities are safe because children almost are under supervision. Being supported by the supervisors of activities, children gain several valuable experiences to enhance their confidence levels. Soft skills learned from organized activities are beneficial for children in the future.
On the other hand, each child has different hobbies in his or her free time, so it will be better for the development of children if they can take part in activities on their own. In addition, it might be said that it is unwise to force children to do activities which they have no interest in. Choosing leisure activities independently gives children the freedom of thought and responsibilities to take up challenges. Due to the freedom of the choices, children will discover their hidden talents. As can be seen from newspapers or scientific journals, a lot of people gained outstanding achievements in their field because they could keep themselves occupied on their own in childhood stages.
In conclusion, I feel that children should spend their free time doing activities what they really want, because the positive effect on their overall personality. This is as long as children are given a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that such activities will help to develop their skills.
Overall, it is a well-writen essay that only contains minor errors, for example:
1. "There are valid arguments on
both side sides"
The word "both" should be followed by a plural noun as it indicates two subjects, in this case there are two sides who agree and disagree with the notion.
2. "when they get involved in ..."
It will be better if you take some time to proofread your essay to minimise spelling mistakes.
3. "Due to the freedom of
the choice s ..."
To avoid using inappropriate word choice, you might need to check whether or not you have written it in a right way.
4. "It is true that these activities have ..." => "Many studies have shown that these activities bring vital soft skills..."
In order to make the essay more concise, you might want to consider to change your sentence: