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"freshmen world history class" - CU Short Answer- English is my second language



firu 2 / 7  
Jan 6, 2011   #1
I would really appreciate ANY feedback!! I have 225 words out of 250(Max) - Thanks so much!
Discuss any events or special circumstances that have affected your academic record, as well as any adversities you have overcome (250 words)
It was the second day of school, in Mr. Pecorino's freshmen world history class. He was going over the homework, to make sure that the students had completed their assignments. The new South American student was very excited to participate, because the night before she had spent hours answering the review questions due that the readings were in English a new language to her. When Mr. Pecorino asked the first question she raised her hand, knowing that it was a vocabulary question, and there was no way she could get it wrong, due that she obtained the answer from the glossary section. However, to her dismay when she started to respond her classmates started to giggle, she looked around to see what happened, to realize that they were giggling at her.

Although the answer was correct, her accent was not something she could hide. Through the rest of the year the student worked very hard, not only in that class but in all of them. She did all her readings, homework's and reviews, and as the finals approached, her classmates were asking her to be part of their final review groups.

That South American student is me. I obtained and A in the class. I still have a very strong accent, and my friends still giggle but now they giggle with me not at me.

ecordo5 4 / 28  
Jan 6, 2011   #2
I enjoyed it very much. Keep the last sentence with the second paragraph and make sure its 250 words. I am also Latino so I commend you on your efforts. The last sentences is very powerful and displays you as a determined person despite your difficulties.
OP firu 2 / 7  
Jan 7, 2011   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback I really appreciate it! Do you have any feedback in regards to teh grammar if so let me know! I will be posting my 500 word essay Please let me know if you can check it out! which one is your essay?
OP firu 2 / 7  
Jan 8, 2011   #4
I would really appreciate ANY feedback!! I have 225 words out of 250(Max) - Thanks so much!
Discuss any events or special circumstances that have affected your academic record, as well as any adversities you have overcome (250 words)
It was the second day of school, in Mr. Pecorino's freshmen world history class. He was going over the homework, to make sure that the students had completed their assignments. The new South American student was very excited to participate, because the night before she had spent hours answering the review questions due that the readings were in English a new language to her. When Mr. Pecorino asked the first question she raised her hand, knowing that it was a vocabulary question, and there was no way she could get it wrong, due that she obtained the answer from the glossary section. However, to her dismay when she started to respond her classmates started to giggle, she looked around to see what happened, to realize that they were giggling at her.

Although the answer was correct, her accent was not something she could hide. Through the rest of the year the student worked very hard, not only in that class but in all of them. She did all her readings, homework's and reviews, and as the finals approached, her classmates were asking her to be part of their final review groups.

That South American student is me. I obtained and A in the class. I still have a very strong accent, and my friends still giggle but now they giggle with me not at me.


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