My Friend, the most significant person in my life

Topic A: The most significant person in your life. Why and how is that person significant to you.

I never thought that anyone could ever change my timid personality, until I met her. I am more of an introvert than an extrovert; never truly express myself in any way. I have friends, but I rarely engage myself into their conversations, unless their spoken words were directed towards me. I preferred listening to their conversations, because I was afraid, afraid that mistakes would slip off my tongue as I spoke. To be plain, I was not confident in myself.

It was a year after I moved to United States; summer past by fast, and school was starting. I was sitting quietly in the corner, listening to the teacher while writing down reminders in my planner. The bell rang indicated it was lunchtime. I packed my belongings and headed towards the cafeteria. As I entered the chaotic lunchroom, my friends who I befriended the previous year greeted me. We stood in the lunch line and started to talk about their summer experiences, and as usual I stood there and listened. After we paid for our lunch, we went to look for a table, but with the fully packed cafeteria, we have no choice but to sit separately.

I found myself a seat beside a dark -haired, olive skin tone girl. I was about to shove food into my mouth but was interrupted by the girl beside me. She turned to face me and introduced herself with a bright smile. I smiled back and introduced myself to her. She hesitated, but then asked if we could be friends. I accepted her request. She then started a conversation with me, and I have no choice but to talk to her since there was no other person with us. She must have noticed my broken English as she politely interrupted me and corrected my grammar. I stopped talking, and she urged me to continue, but I was scared, scared of errors in my words. She sensed my fear, but she encouraged me to talk. She said the best way to avoid errors was to have confident, and to learn from those mistakes. I gained confidence from her advice and continued the conversation. I discovered that she shared the same interest in music. Since that day, we became best friends.

That year, I learned that fear held me from opportunities to meet great people. Also, I realized that the only important thing is to learn from past mistakes, and do not be afraid to express oneself.

Thank you for taking your time to proofread and edit my essay! :)

There's some tense problems just, they don't all agree. For example, "I have friends, but I rarely engage myself into their conversations, unless their spoken words were directed towards me" You say you have friends (present tense) and you rarely engage yourself in their conversations (present tense) unless their words were directed at you (past tense).


past should be passed


it was lunchtime.[/quote]
'My friends who I befriended' seems kind of repetitive... maybe 'My friends who I had met' instead


(just to clear up who was doing the talking)







Hope this helped a bit!

Hi,


.... nice : ) .... good opening : )


When you already said your inclination is towards an introvert character, this part becomes redundant. Introverts don't express themselves much... So say this a little differently having your involvement more;

I never felt comfortable expressing my true feelings even when there was no harm in doing so.


Here, I too notice what bimzy highlights;


At the beginning you said she changed your personality type. So, you have to tell us what happened in the past. Keep everything in one tense, otherwise the reader would be confused;

I had friends, but I rarely engaged myself actively in their conversations, unless I was asked to speak ..... I did some changes with presentation too ; )