2nd draft of the 500 Commonapp essay, please comment on how my sentences structure sounds and of the content itself... THANKSSSS!
Prompt: Describe a significant experience...
Having been raised in a well-to-do family, my priorities had been always related to owning material possessions, rather than excelling scholastically. I had never taken advantage of attending a school, which I now recognize, provided me with resources that would prepare for a successful future.
During my early teenage years, I was academically content with myself as long as I earned decent grades. My perspective of life drastically changed once my parents could no longer afford my education; at the school I had attended since I was in kindergarten.
Fright of the unknown took over me. Never before had I been placed in an environment, where I was unaware of whom my peers were. Would I be able to make new friends? Would I have any common interest with my new classmates? Questions like these filled me with anxiety.
My worst nightmares became a reality, once my father decided that it would be best for him to immigrate to the United States in search of a job opportunity. I felt downhearted as I watched my family break apart, the prosperous future I had envisioned for myself seemed to vanish.
As the day of having to attend my new school came, I considered myself unprepared to accept the fact that I was to be part of a community whose members' financial backgrounds differed so greatly for mine. The only encouragement I was able to obtain that moment, was the image of my mother struggling to maintain the family's business afloat. I thought to myself that if she was able to deal with demanding customers who showed no respect to her, I could endure what little pain this situation brought into my life.
Getting accustomed to classes which were solely taught in Spanish was no arduous task, and in search of a positive change I willingly decided to open myself to my classmates.
My new closest friends were not only helping me improve my Spanish grammar, but also provided me with a life lesson. That of accepting that the only thing I could actually control were my grades, and how this would be the medium through which I would prove my gratefulness towards my parent's effort.
Their enthusiasm towards life only empowered me to believe that, unknowingly, I had lived in a bubble that needed bursting.
As years went by, new self-made opportunities came. My grades had never been better, and life itself gave me the opportunity to return to the school which had seen me grow. I knew that the person returning to this environment was no longer that same girl, whose happiness relied on owning the latest technological devices, or using expensive clothing.
Living in a country like mine, and having been privileged throughout my whole life, even when the majority isn't, the pleasantries life gave me used to seem not as meaningful. It was until this transition that I became a person with drive, purposes and motivation towards the fulfillment of all my desires.
Prompt: Describe a significant experience...
Having been raised in a well-to-do family, my priorities had been always related to owning material possessions, rather than excelling scholastically. I had never taken advantage of attending a school, which I now recognize, provided me with resources that would prepare for a successful future.
During my early teenage years, I was academically content with myself as long as I earned decent grades. My perspective of life drastically changed once my parents could no longer afford my education; at the school I had attended since I was in kindergarten.
Fright of the unknown took over me. Never before had I been placed in an environment, where I was unaware of whom my peers were. Would I be able to make new friends? Would I have any common interest with my new classmates? Questions like these filled me with anxiety.
My worst nightmares became a reality, once my father decided that it would be best for him to immigrate to the United States in search of a job opportunity. I felt downhearted as I watched my family break apart, the prosperous future I had envisioned for myself seemed to vanish.
As the day of having to attend my new school came, I considered myself unprepared to accept the fact that I was to be part of a community whose members' financial backgrounds differed so greatly for mine. The only encouragement I was able to obtain that moment, was the image of my mother struggling to maintain the family's business afloat. I thought to myself that if she was able to deal with demanding customers who showed no respect to her, I could endure what little pain this situation brought into my life.
Getting accustomed to classes which were solely taught in Spanish was no arduous task, and in search of a positive change I willingly decided to open myself to my classmates.
My new closest friends were not only helping me improve my Spanish grammar, but also provided me with a life lesson. That of accepting that the only thing I could actually control were my grades, and how this would be the medium through which I would prove my gratefulness towards my parent's effort.
Their enthusiasm towards life only empowered me to believe that, unknowingly, I had lived in a bubble that needed bursting.
As years went by, new self-made opportunities came. My grades had never been better, and life itself gave me the opportunity to return to the school which had seen me grow. I knew that the person returning to this environment was no longer that same girl, whose happiness relied on owning the latest technological devices, or using expensive clothing.
Living in a country like mine, and having been privileged throughout my whole life, even when the majority isn't, the pleasantries life gave me used to seem not as meaningful. It was until this transition that I became a person with drive, purposes and motivation towards the fulfillment of all my desires.
