Hey I am a native Chinese speaker and I would love some comments to improve my grammar, vocab and sentence structure. PS:my story is halfway done.
Being the future successor of Herry Group, I was always the envy of others. People were afraid of talking to me because they were aware of the two tall-big sized guy in suit, who follows me wherever I go. The only people that I could trust was my parents and my biological twin brother, John.
After a few months, I fell in love to the young heir of Daesuk's Group, Martin, which was the biggest rival of my mom's company. My dad, who loved me the most, was so pissed off and forbid me to meet him anymore. We were so madly in love with each other and I ran out of my "mansion" a few times just to see his face.
On the 7th of April, my family held a majestic birthday party for me. They invited many young CEOs in hope that I would find a new love. Secretly, I invited Martin to the party. Throughout the party, I was so jubilant as I was waiting for his presence. John found out that I was waiting for Martin and he just kept quiet. "Thanks John, i love you", I whispered to myself. When Martin arrived, he honked and hinted me to get into his car. We actually had planned to get married that night at the St.Pauls Church.
"There's a few cars racing over us", Martin said while he was driving. I turned back and saw that it was my brother. I was so puzzled and told Martin to speed up. "Martin, there's a car coming towards us!" I shouted. BANG. When I opened my eyes, I saw Martin's head was bleeding. "No, no, Martin, please open your eyes", I begged. Not long after, I fainted.
I was sent to the Herry Medical Hospital and quarantined inside a room. When I was awake, I asked my dad where were Martin and he just shook his head. I was so crestfallen and felt hopeless. I knew my life would be so miserable without Martin. Subconsciously, I cut myself with a mirror on the drawer.
Being the future successor of Herry Group, I was always the envy of others. People were afraid of talking to me because they were aware of the two tall-big sized guy in suit, who follows me wherever I go. The only people that I could trust was my parents and my biological twin brother, John.
After a few months, I fell in love to the young heir of Daesuk's Group, Martin, which was the biggest rival of my mom's company. My dad, who loved me the most, was so pissed off and forbid me to meet him anymore. We were so madly in love with each other and I ran out of my "mansion" a few times just to see his face.
On the 7th of April, my family held a majestic birthday party for me. They invited many young CEOs in hope that I would find a new love. Secretly, I invited Martin to the party. Throughout the party, I was so jubilant as I was waiting for his presence. John found out that I was waiting for Martin and he just kept quiet. "Thanks John, i love you", I whispered to myself. When Martin arrived, he honked and hinted me to get into his car. We actually had planned to get married that night at the St.Pauls Church.
"There's a few cars racing over us", Martin said while he was driving. I turned back and saw that it was my brother. I was so puzzled and told Martin to speed up. "Martin, there's a car coming towards us!" I shouted. BANG. When I opened my eyes, I saw Martin's head was bleeding. "No, no, Martin, please open your eyes", I begged. Not long after, I fainted.
I was sent to the Herry Medical Hospital and quarantined inside a room. When I was awake, I asked my dad where were Martin and he just shook his head. I was so crestfallen and felt hopeless. I knew my life would be so miserable without Martin. Subconsciously, I cut myself with a mirror on the drawer.
