Essay One
ALL APPLICANTS:
As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.
Before my great migration to the United States I was a energetic girl who loved to throw balls and fight with friends. I grew up in different countries: Malaysia, United States, and Korea. I always had plenty in my pockets saw the poor suffering very close by. I never knew that I will have to face hardship in myself.
Once I heard a proverb: "Life is like a heartbeat. If it has no ups and downs it means you are dead." In this sense, I was excessively alive in my adolescent years! I was always the center of trouble and chaos, but my friends, my family and those around me understood and accepted me for who I was. I was blessed to have such nice people in my life. However, as the days go by, we have ups and downs. In the third year living in Malaysia, our family faced some financial difficulties. My father suggested that I move to live alone with my grandparents in the United States.When I did decide to move and live away from parents, it provided possibly the biggest ups and downs and also the best experiences of my life.
There were only two Koreans in my school my freshman year. I had nobody to ask for advice and nobody who could answer questions about the confusing new school for me. I had to stand alone and face each new day, eating not rice but hot-dogs and Welches! Every year, my father sent me an allowance, but it was always insufficient. My grandparents and I lived off our government money for food and clothing always calculating if we have any money left in the account.
In grade 7, I reached a moment in my life when I started to lock myself in both emotionally and physically. I closed my mouth and expressed my emotions through violent behavior towards my old grandparents. I was reckless then. I had no idea that one day I would miss them so dearly.
Sometimes I blamed God for not giving us enough money for a better life. I blamed my father for sending me to the States. I blamed my grandparents for forcibly taking me to school and church. While I blamed everyone around me, I was ignoring my own role in my situation. It had been me making the final choices all along. I had been offered options, and always had alternatives.
Slowly, my dark days started to get brighter. I was fortunate to make some wonderful, thoughtful friends. These associations changed my attitude for the better. As a result, I started acing my classes at school, and I began interacting more with the church. Looking back, the memories of my difficult transition can be painful to think about, but it was also a time in which I learned a lot about the world outside of my small purview. Compared to the people in Malaysia, of course things did improve. Overall, the experience was a very important stage in my transition from childhood to adult life.
1) does my essay answer the prompt?
2) If yes, what things should I add or change to make it better?
3) Please keep in mind that the grammar might be crappy. I copied and pasted 2 essays together.
There is a gaping hole in your essay. Somewhere between the dark era of your life and your rising like a phoenix from the ashes of its ruins, you failed to explain how you came to the realization that you still had a chance a better life if you wanted to take it. How did you get out of the darkness that seems to have consumed every fiber of your being? What cataclysmic event triggered the change in you? We need to know what events led to this new personality in you so that we can have a better of where you came from, who you were, and who you are now. I think that gap comes from having cut and pasted 2 separate essays. Fill in the blanks :-) Don't forget to work on cleaning up the choppy grammar in certain parts. I am sure you know where they are ;-)
