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Georgetown "Why Georgetown" Essay needs help



sababy993 2 / 2  
Dec 18, 2008   #1
i need help with this essay!!! Especially the ending i dont know how to close it strong! HHEEEPLLPP!!!!

As a High school senior, I have to choose the finest school that fits me intellectually and personally. Throughout my high school career, I thought it was going to be an easy task. All I had to do was go to Collegeboard.com and they will choose the perfect school for me. I was dead wrong. My so-called perfect school was apparently non-existent. So I had to stop being lazy and find it myself.

When I first came across Georgetown, I thought it had potential. I am a very meticulous when it comes to where I live. I am a city girl and I am not planning to change it, so having the campus in Washington, D.C. made me jubilant. Even though I plan to be biology major, I love American history. What is better than to live in the nation's capital? When I am not on the campus, I can visit the many monuments and museums that Washington, DC has to offer. Even when I am on the campus, I feel like I am part of history. Georgetown passed the test of fitting me personally, but was it my intellectually fit.

As I pointed out earlier, I plan to be biology major. My short-term career goal is to become either an obstetrician or a pediatrician. In my culture, young females are expected know how take care of their younger siblings from birth. Learning how to take care of children at a young age sparked my interests. However, my culture is not the only one that expects girls to know how to take care of babies. Therefore, my ultimate desire is make a difference in the world. I hope to travel to third world countries to help destitute women, who need proper care during and after their pregnancy. With the help of Georgetown College (and hopefully the School of Medicine), I will accomplish those goals.

Since I plan to become a physician, Georgetown's Department of Biology can bring me closer to my goal. The course that I plan to major is Biology of Global Health. It will embark the journey to my ultimate conquest. Nevertheless, it is not just the courses that attract me to Georgetown; it is the lecturers, as well. Georgetown professors are known to be the best of the best, and in order for me to be the best; I need to be taught by the best. Georgetown's educational staff has a reputation of being there for the students. I am not the type of pupil who is reluctant to ask questions. I believe that the whole point of an educators is to, well, educate. So if it means having to stay a little later to help a student understand then well be it.

When I was looking at colleges, I never really though of Georgetown, but then I came across these words, "Don't become so focused on the goal that you miss the journey." Those words were spoken by Dr. Heidi Elmendorf, a professor of microbiology. I do not know how I came across the words, but it intrigued me; I went through life thinking that the goal was the journey. As I look at my life, I see my journey through middle school to high school, and how fun was to experience it. And now it my journey from high school to college, I will follow Elmendorf words and take my college journey with open eyes.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 18, 2008   #2
Throughout my high school career, I thought it was going to be an easy task. I thought that all I had to do was go to Collegeboard.com and that they would choose the perfect school for me.

Perhaps you should get rid of "as I pointed out earlier," and write:

Empowered by my biology major, I plan to be biology major. My short-term career goal is to...

When I was looking at colleges, I never really thought of Georgetown, but then I came across these words: "Don't become so focused on the goal that you miss the journey."

For the ending, you should wrap the essay up by mentioning something from the beginning, such as Collegeboard.com. I can't decide exactly what to write for you, but I suggest that you come full circle and refer back to the stuff from the beginning -- a good strategy for most essays.

:)
OP sababy993 2 / 2  
Dec 19, 2008   #3
Do you think I should have a whole new ending paragraph wrapping back to the Collegeboard and continue my present ending paragraph talking more about Dr. Heidi Elmendorf.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 20, 2008   #4
Well, let's thread it together with the physician theme:

As a High school senior with aspirations to one day become a physician, I have to choose the finest school that fits me intellectually and personally.

Now, for the last paragraph: you can add one sentence to the beginning of it and one sentence to the end. You have to choose the sentences, but I think they can serve to reinforce the strong affirmation that you will succeed in premed studies and that you will succeed in med school, and it is because of the empowerment you will receive from Georgetown.


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