The most significant activity I was involved in would be my work in foster care for Pets in Distress. Over the summer, I spent weeks fostering a Rat Terrier named Willard. Willard was a great dog with a lot of energy, sometimes too much energy. He would often jump around the house and chew things such as clothes, including my Alabama Crimson Tide hat. However, I loved fostering Willard because not only was he a very lovable dog, but it gave me the chance to give an animal in need a home and a family.
The one thing I love to do in life is to help people out. This determination of mine goes for animals as well because, to me, animals, especially dogs, are almost like humans. I knew since I was a little kid that I when I grew up, I wanted to work in the CIA, and not only help the agency but Americans nationwide. So when I decided I wanted to do some community service, it was an easy choice to do something where I can help someone out, whether it is a specific person, animals, or a group/agency. I eventually found out about Pets in Distress and decided to foster Willard.
Willard was not an easy task. I had to make sure he had food, water, exercise, and overall make sure he was happy. However it was a very enjoyable task for me, so much that it almost was not even work. It was especially fun playing ball with him because of how determined he was to get the ball. Overall, I learned a lot through this experience. One major thing I learned is that no matter what kind of community service you do, you can always make a significant difference in the world. With that being said, this experience showed me how important it is for everyone to get involved in community service, at least a few times in their life.
Hi Adam, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I am pleased to welcome yet another member of this wonderful website. We strive to provide you with the most comprehensive and accurate feedback for your writing projects and should you need further assistance after each and every review, don't hesitate to write to us.
Having said that, I would like to let you know that as an overall review, your essay is written well, you manage to directly answer the prompt and the logical sequence is duly noted in the flow of the essay. For further revision, please find my suggestions below;
- but ithe also gave me
- in need, a home and a family.
- TheO ne thing I love
- ThisMy determination
- of mineto help goes for
- animals as well because, to me, animals,
- I knew since I was a littleas a kid
- that I when I gro w up,
- I wanted to work in the CIA,( a comma is not necessary when followed by the word "and")
There you have it Adam, I hope the above suggestions are helpful and I must say, animals are one with us in the eyes of the Almighty and all living and non living things, therefore, each and everyone deserves not only respect but even more so, our tender loving care and this has transpired in your essay. Job well done!
Hello Adam, aside from the feedback above. I would like to make sure about something related to the prompt. The prompt mentioned that "discuss extracurricular activity that you are most involved in". Don't you think that this is related to the recent activity that you are involving in? But, most of your essay content discussed about past activities. I just want to confirm it to you before you submit it. The prompt in an essay is a crucial thing. You need to focus in answering the prompt correctly.
However, perhaps the thing that you can do is shifting the language usage from past tense into present tense or present perfect tense. This is to shift the sense to the reader that those are your regular extracurricular activities or your routines, not past activities. It just appeared to my concern because I have an experience of failure due to inaccurately answering the prompt like what you did. Moreover, another suggestion from me related to this sentence "So when I decided I wanted to do some community services ...". "So" is one of the word that usually is called as coordinating conjunction, not a formal cohesive device. Therefore, using it would make your essay becomes less formal. In academic essay, FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So) should not appear in the beginning of the sentence. I hope this will be helpful if you haven't submitted the essay yet. Good luck for revising your University entrance essay :)
Sorry, I messed up on the title. The exact thing that it says is Briefly discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.
Here are my suggestions and I hope they will be of help; try brainstorming further ideas, also try to pick out at least three or four activities that you have have been involved in. Do not just say you were involved in this and that, try to go in detail with each activity or activities you have been involved in. Best wishes
It is significant activity I was involved in my work of fostering pets in Distress.
Over the summer, I spent weeks fostering a Rat Terrier named Willard. Willard was a great dog with a lot of energy, sometimes too much energy. He would often jump around the house and chew things such as clothes, including my Alabama Crimson Tide hat.
I loved Willard because he is my favoriate dog, and similar my family.
One thing I love to do in life is to help people.This determination of mine goes for animals as well because, to me, animals, especially dogs, are almost like humans. I do not know your mean, sorry.
Hi, here's my opinion:
Willard was a great dog with a lot of energy- sometimes with too much energy . He would often jump around the house and ...
... was he a very lovable dog, but he gave me the chance to ...
Fostering Willard was not an easy task. I had to make sure he had food, water, exercise, and do whatever makes him happy . However, it was a very enjoyable task for me, just like it was not a work but a leisure activity . Especially I always have a lot of fun playing ball with him because he always shows a strong eagerness to catch the ball .
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Overall, ...