Why Georgia Tech? - scientific skills further development, legion of extracurricular activities

Hi. Thanks for allotting your time to read my essay. I'm an Indonesian student hoping to apply to GT. Your criticisms and suggestions are most welcome.

Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech?

Most international students choose Georgia Tech because of the diversity of the campus. As a converging point for scientists worldwide, Georgia Tech offers the chance to get an unparalleled quality of education among multitudes of cultures. Furthermore, the innovative education system of Georgia Tech, which includes instructors acting as tutors and problem-solving classes, will surely help me overcome complicated problems easily and thus, enhance my creativity in cracking challenges. Though I am member of a science community in my school which often enrolls in various research competitions, I believe my scientific skills will be pushed to the limit at Georgia Tech. Moreover, as an enthusiast of debating activities at my school, the diverse student bodies provide legion extracurricular activities, which will give me the chance to take part in local communities. Therefore, I am interested in the opportunity to study at Georgia Tech.

I would like to help you with your essay. Personally, I think you should make your essay more personal in the beginning.

Ex: "I have chosen Georgia Tech because it is a diverse campus with international students." The word order needed to change to reflect that this is a personal decision you have made to attend the university.

I'm unsure about the statement. Here is a suggestion to correct it: "Furthermore, the innovative education system at Georgia Tech, which includes instructors who assist their students in solving real-world problems, will help enhance my creativity and problem solving ability."

The next sentence, you should change part of the sentence: "Although I am a member of a science community in my school, which often participates in various research competitions, ..."

I think the following sentence that discusses debating activities and diverse student bodies is confusing. There seems to be two different topics which include debating and diversity. If you are an enthusiast of extracurricular activities and would like to participate in the various volunteer opportunities offered to students to help local communities, this would give the reader a clear understanding.

- ...problems easily and thus, enhance my
-ThoughBesides the fact that I am member of a science community...
- I believe my scientific skills will be pushed to the limittested at Georgia Tech.
- Moreover, as an enthusiast of debatingdebate activities at my school,
- the diverse student bodies provide a legion of extracurricular activities,
- which will givegave me the
- Therefore, I am interested in the opportunity to study at Georgia Tech.

Few remarks that can hopefully help and I hope you can still add a few more sentences into this essay.
I know you can still write more.