I need my essay looked over for grammar and train of thought.
The prompt: Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
(minimum 250 words; maximum 650 words)
We all remember our firsts; our first kiss, our first job, our first car. However my firsts have come slightly out of the realm of what is thought of as average. Looking back I always considered myself to be life's bystander, the witness to the world's actions never to intervene or deter others from their decided paths. Due to my reserved and docile nature I have always been regarded as an outcast, and an easy victim of the mental abuse instilled upon me by my peers. Yet, what they never comprehended was that for years I observed them and their natures. How they all managed to handle things from overwhelming grief to insurmountable joy. I accumulated mass amounts of empirical data through these observations, such that when I was faced with the first major issue in my own life I was ready for it.
The date was January 19th 2015. I had just finished my junior year midterms and as I was leaving I encountered a girl. Who, unbeknownst to me would become my greatest joy and my greatest loss. The girl had the face of a cherub angel, the voice of a siren, and the demeanor of your average girl next door. She was the first person to look at me as someone of importance, thus I reciprocated the feeling. I made her my world and put her on display for all to see, I had finally made a true friend. However, as I quickly came to realize she had a secret, a hidden trove of emotion, hidden away from the world. She had depression, anxiety, and lacked any self-confidence that she should have possessed as a girl of her caliber. The day she lifted the veil on her life, marked the beginning of my own journey of hardship and discovery.
Determined not to give up on my first true friend I indulged her issues, she was a mystery one I knew that I was destined to solve. Every day I would talk to her about her problems for that day regardless of whether she deemed them important or insignificant, I was there to help. I applied all my knowledge from years of observation, and I systematically assisted her in overcoming her hardships. First I had to teach her to love herself again. She had always seen herself as less than everyone else and by putting her first in my world she finally found someone who truly cared. It took many late nights and tear filled conversations but I would always tell her how great she was doing and how much she had improved from the day before.
Yet, out of all of our long nights, staying up and talking there is one night that stands more significant than the rest. The one night I was not available and just so happened to coincided with her darkest day. At eleven o'clock at night I received a call, all I could make out from behind her sobs were that she was "giving up". I told her "it would all be okay" her only response was that she had "a bottle of her moms sleeping pills". I didn't need to hear anymore I left my friends house in an instant driving as fast as I could to get to her. This time, I knew she was serious. I arrived and found her in a puddle of her own tears she said she couldn't do it and for what reason I asked. She told me it was because I taught her not to give up and to never surrender.
A month went by and we lost contact with each other due to unfavorable circumstances. Now nearly six months later she reached out to me and again she was in tears but this time all she could say was "thank you... thank you for teaching me to love myself... you saved my life".
The prompt: Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
(minimum 250 words; maximum 650 words)
We all remember our firsts; our first kiss, our first job, our first car. However my firsts have come slightly out of the realm of what is thought of as average. Looking back I always considered myself to be life's bystander, the witness to the world's actions never to intervene or deter others from their decided paths. Due to my reserved and docile nature I have always been regarded as an outcast, and an easy victim of the mental abuse instilled upon me by my peers. Yet, what they never comprehended was that for years I observed them and their natures. How they all managed to handle things from overwhelming grief to insurmountable joy. I accumulated mass amounts of empirical data through these observations, such that when I was faced with the first major issue in my own life I was ready for it.
The date was January 19th 2015. I had just finished my junior year midterms and as I was leaving I encountered a girl. Who, unbeknownst to me would become my greatest joy and my greatest loss. The girl had the face of a cherub angel, the voice of a siren, and the demeanor of your average girl next door. She was the first person to look at me as someone of importance, thus I reciprocated the feeling. I made her my world and put her on display for all to see, I had finally made a true friend. However, as I quickly came to realize she had a secret, a hidden trove of emotion, hidden away from the world. She had depression, anxiety, and lacked any self-confidence that she should have possessed as a girl of her caliber. The day she lifted the veil on her life, marked the beginning of my own journey of hardship and discovery.
Determined not to give up on my first true friend I indulged her issues, she was a mystery one I knew that I was destined to solve. Every day I would talk to her about her problems for that day regardless of whether she deemed them important or insignificant, I was there to help. I applied all my knowledge from years of observation, and I systematically assisted her in overcoming her hardships. First I had to teach her to love herself again. She had always seen herself as less than everyone else and by putting her first in my world she finally found someone who truly cared. It took many late nights and tear filled conversations but I would always tell her how great she was doing and how much she had improved from the day before.
Yet, out of all of our long nights, staying up and talking there is one night that stands more significant than the rest. The one night I was not available and just so happened to coincided with her darkest day. At eleven o'clock at night I received a call, all I could make out from behind her sobs were that she was "giving up". I told her "it would all be okay" her only response was that she had "a bottle of her moms sleeping pills". I didn't need to hear anymore I left my friends house in an instant driving as fast as I could to get to her. This time, I knew she was serious. I arrived and found her in a puddle of her own tears she said she couldn't do it and for what reason I asked. She told me it was because I taught her not to give up and to never surrender.
A month went by and we lost contact with each other due to unfavorable circumstances. Now nearly six months later she reached out to me and again she was in tears but this time all she could say was "thank you... thank you for teaching me to love myself... you saved my life".
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