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Not giving up; JMU Personal Statement



valeriadavila01 9 / 17  
Jan 13, 2013   #1
I just need help with editing and seeing if you get a sense of the person I am:)
Thanks!

You may use your personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals or unique experiences (500-word maximum)

I planted my feet firmly on the ground, as I raised my stick in attempt to block off the six foot tall girl charging toward me. I squeezed my eyes shut in preparation for what was about to occur; before I knew it, I was knocked down to the floor with instant pain running through me. The whistle blew signifying that she had score, cueing the cheers of the opposing team. I laid on the cold, wet grass wondering what I had got myself into; I was no lacrosse girl. I could barely properly hold the stick right. But as much as I wanted to quit, I knew that was not an option. I had finally committed myself into trying something new.

I was never supposed to play lacrosse; in all honesty, I never heard of the sport before my friend began gushing about how great it was. She was in charge of recruiting the next season's Junior Varsity team, and I seemed to be next on her list. I refused a countless number of times, stating how I lacked of physical ability, and basic reflexes. Alas, that did not stop her until I had finally agreed in an attempt to get her off my case.

I distinctively remember the first day of conditioning; the coach was already irritated at the amount of girls arriving late and for punishment, he ordered us to run four laps around the track. As I began my second lap, I felt my heart beating furiously with pain shooting through my side. I went up to the coach and lied straight to his face, stating that I had a dentist appointment to go to. Oblivious to my lie, he agreed and shouted "see you tomorrow then!" I dreaded those words, as all I wanted to do was quit.

That night, I laid on my bed, furious at myself for quitting so easily. I was capable of doing those laps; sure, it would take some time and eating right, but nothing else was stopping me from completing them. I began reminiscing my past activities I had quit so easily; tennis, piano, ballet, soccer, everything I tried I had quit without fail. "No" I thought to myself. This time would be different. No matter how painful or dreadful lacrosse may be, I vowed to myself that I would complete the season without any quits whatsoever.

After three months of attempting to learn to cradling, catching, and the defense position, I knew terrible at the sport. But, I learned how much I enjoyed the adeline rush of going onto the field and playing the sport. All my life, I had walked away from a countless number of activities because I was afraid of failing and being bad at it; when I finally faced my fears, I understood how amazing a new experience and not giving up could be. Although my schoolwork has prevented me from continuing this newfound passion of mine, I now know that trying new things can lead to another interest that can truly change your life.

bgerner78 1 / 2  
Jan 14, 2013   #2
i think it's good and it shows a bit of who you are and that when you put your mind to something you can really stick with it. It does have quite a few errors with punctuation and spelling.
RandomJPG 3 / 6  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
I'd recommend getting rid of all the be verbs you can but aside from that it's pretty solid so far.


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