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"giving social services to people" - Common Application Essay


christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #1
- Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

I'M WORKING ON THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS RIGHT NOW.
BUT JUST A PREVIEW, I WILL PROBABLY WRITE ABOUT HOW IT INFLUENCES ME BECAUSE I WANT TO PURSUE A HEALTH CARE/MEDICAL PROFESSION AND BLAH BLAH BLAH...

DEFINITELY NEED TO FIX THE INTRO. NOT TO HOOKY ;/

SORRY ONE LAST THING, I WANT TO CHOOSE A LOCAL ISSUE, BUT I CANT THINK OF ONE REALLY. AND I DIDNT WANT TO JUST RESEARCH ONE AND WRITE ABOUT IT IF I DONT REALLY KNOW ABOUT IT AND DONT CARE KIND OF THING...I WISH I CAN WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING HAPPIER

This year the national debate topic is about giving social services to people living in poverty. As I learned about the topic and the different people who are considered "living in poverty," I only thought about those individuals who earn an income at or below the poverty threshold. It didn't occur to me that such people like prisoners or sex trafficked victims are considered "impoverished." However, learning about the situations prisoners live under has convinced me that this specific group of people is destitute.

More than 100,00 prisoners infected with diseases are released in the United States every year. There is a major threat involved with this situation to hundreds of communities in the nation. For the past few years state prisons have been impermeable to renovation because of politics and fear. But there are so many unfortunate circumstances these people are going through that basic human rights are being violated. I believe that the federal government has a moral obligation to help them.

The situation in state prisons caught my attention because of the lack of health care prisoners receive. Many prisoners are untreated and some are even unaware of diseases they may have. Effectually, many citizens outside of prisons could be affected for that reason. Also, these diseases can potentially spread across U.S. borders. Containing diseases has its limits. The swine flu for example has spread over the nation. This flu has posed a threat in my household. And my mother even suggested wearing a mask to school; but it didn't happen.

In addition, there are underreported events of rape that occur within the prisons. Another issue that ultimately concerns morality. The psychological and physical effects of rape are dehumanizing. There is a gap trying to integrate back into society. The social withdrawal due to traumas, self blame and feelings of hopelessness are unfortunate circumstances. The imprisoned victims of rape have to rehabilitate themselves. But it is hard for me to imagine that. The resources and funding being enforced in prisons is blatantly inefficient.
CalLover 2 / 14  
Aug 30, 2009   #2
This sounds like a report :(
I think the fact that you researched it online makes it not so significant since u can really research anything. It would show more significance if u related it to something u did to try to help the situation out
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 30, 2009   #3
So what?

That is the main question that your essay provokes. You have to pick an issue of importance, which this certainly is, and explain why it is important to you, which you have not done. It came up in the debate you were doing. So what? What makes it personally important to you? Why do you feel passionately about it (and if you don't, why did you pick this topic)?

It doesn't help that you don't seem to acknowledge the complexity of the issue. Yes, rape in prison is bad. Yes, it spreads diseases (many much worse than swine flu, which is about as deadly as, well, any of the other seasonal flu bugs that sweep the world each year). And yes, I'll even grant that the government should do something about it. What, exactly, would you suggest? Build triple the number of prisons so that every innmate can be kept in solitary confinement? But that would be another form of cruelty. Prosecute inmates that rape other inmates? And do what, sentence them to prison? Execute every repeat offender to dramatically reduce the prison population? Perhaps not.

I get the sense that you have picked this issue because you happen to have researched it for the debate, but that you don't really care about it. In fact, you indicate as much in your comments before the essay. Find something that you do care about, and write about that, or else write about this one or some other randomly chosen one as if you care about it. Remember, the key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

I WANT TO CHOOSE A LOCAL ISSUE

Well, how about the massive mishandling of the recent garbage strike in Toronto? That's local, from my point of view. Do you see the problem with asking other people to suggest local issues that you care about?
OP christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #4
i said that i didnt want to write about something i dont care about. and that i didnt want to research a local issue just o write about it and not feel anything about it....

and i care about health care reform. i wrote that i was working on the part on how it influences me.
but anyway this is a very boring topic for someone who reads thousands of essays

So, im going to scratch this and come up with something else.
thanks though :]
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 30, 2009   #5
Don't be discouraged. If you care about health care reform, then talk about that. It's certainly a topical issue, and it shouldn't be too difficult to show how you or those you care about might be affected by it.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 30, 2009   #6
I think your idea of linking to the local would make this much stronger. Go back online and figure out what's happening for people living in poverty in your community.
OP christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #7
thanks for the ideas. i wont be discouraged from the start :)

well i live in long beach and poverty is pretty woven into the some parts of the city.
i guess i can write about it.

i'm still getting second thoughts about writing this essay. hahah.
i mean its too boring/sad..
im not a good writer either haha. oh geez.


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