GOAL IS TO ENHANCE THE LIVES OF STUDENTS. MUSIC EDUCATION. APPLY TEXAS PROMPT C.

Topic C: Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.

I am having great difficulty writing this essay. It's weird for me to brag on myself. This is just an introduction. Please help me with an grammatical errors and guide me as to where to go next. Thank you

I have always believed that I did not chose music arbitrarily. It was a gift that was bestowed unto me that I have been obliged to share with others. Because of this my lifetime goal is to influence the lives of young adults as a music educator. My involvement in AP classes and extra curricular activities has given me the ability to understand the needs of teens struggling to find a balance between schoolwork and their nonscholastic endeavors. While my participation in my high school choir as a Student Conductor and All-State Musician has prepared me with a specific skill set which is necessary in order to enhance the lives of my students as a music educator.

Hey there! I'm writing the same essay and having the same difficulties. Let me see if I can help you out! :)

This is how I'm gonna write out my review:
"Your original sentence. words that need removedproblems I will address in an itemized list below.words that I am adding because I think they contribute to your sentence. "

I have always believed that I did not chose music arbitrarily. It was a gift that was bestowed unto me that I have been obliged to share with others. Because of this(comma), my lifetime goal is to influence the lives of young adults as a music educator. My involvement in AP classes and extra curricular activities has given me the ability to understand the needs ofshown me how to understand teensagers struggling to find a balance between schoolwork and their nonscholastic endeavors. While My participation in my high school choir as a Student Conductor and All-State Musician has prepared me with a specific skill set which is necessary in order to enhance the lives of my studentsfor a roleas a music educator.

with a specific skill set which is necessary in order to enhance the lives of my students
I'm sensing a pattern as I read your paragraph. You tend to write really eloquently-- but you also have a habit of making run-on sentences. I love the style you used to write this sentence and the previous sentence with, but I also think that these two sentences are very cumbersome. I understand wanting to write with impressive vocabulary and pretty grammar, but these sentences are hard to focus on. I wish you would be a little more straight-forward with them. I summed them both up with very "slap-dash" summaries of what I felt like your sentence was saying. If you want to use what I wrote in italic, feel free; but I would suggest going back through those sentences and seeing how you can best write them so that they read more easily.

That's just my two-cents. ;) Hope this helps you! Good luck in the music industry! :D

- It was a gift that was bestowed untoupon me
- that I have been obligedgrateful for and ever willing to share with others.
- Because of thisArmed with my love for music my lifetime goal is to influence
- the lives of young adults as a music educatorambassador .
- ...their non- scholastic endeavors.
- WhileM y participation in my high...

@Kathleen, I believe your first paragraph or your introduction is quite strong, I hope it follows thru the whole essay, just make sure that you stick to the idea of the subject and always be objective. With regards to your concern on bragging about your talent, it's not really bragging, it's writing about yourself to become inspiration to others. We will be looking forward for the next part of this prompt.