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"Where I'm going, and Who I want to be" - Common App Essay Topic of my Choice



MalJack93 3 / 3  
Nov 2, 2011   #1
As I walked into a room with white and green striped walls, I saw toys on the floor and a TV showing one of my favorite cartoons. I sat down and waited until a woman wearing flower-printed clothes called my name. The man wearing a white overcoat gave me a helpful shot (even though my first impression was that I would be harmed). The idea of helping others through challenging times made me want to become a doctor. However, becoming a doctor was only the first stepping-stone to what later matured into me wanting to become an entrepreneur. With the same intention of helping others, I want to own a business that will allow me to positively impact the world while also allowing me to have autonomy and independence in my efforts.

Learning anything by trying to teach yourself, otherwise known as trial and error, takes time that I am willing to give. When I was young, I can remember sitting at my desk in school looking at everything on my assignments, trying to use every little minute I had to get my work done. I paid attention to detail in order to obtain a full understanding. My patience allowed me to become a student capable of being well above average. Being an entrepreneur will definitely require the same level of listening, skill, and tolerance that I achieved at a young age. A business takes time to form, and with time I see ideas coming alive in my head.

My hard work was never a finished product. For instance, I developed a fresh understanding of the world every day. Keeping in mind that nothing really ends, I picture my business like a building that keeps being added to. The materials are the products or services that improve with time. In that case, I know I could start a business such as one that aids kids with disabilities, one that manages and promotes musicians, or one that is simply based off of something that is constantly interesting and demanding new ideas.

I enjoy the idea of continuing projects based on a foundation that I lay that can be built upon from the ground up. For example, even though I want to study business, I also maintain an interest in mechanical engineering, because I believe that I can build something for the betterment of the world. I am fully aware that several areas of knowledge are required to start and continue a strong business. I know I will direct people, present new marketing plans, and that my colleagues and business partners will feel like my work lights up their minds as if the sun came into the room. That being said, my business will add only to positive goals and by no means support the negative energy that some big corporations embody.

To culminate my vision, the idea of becoming a doctor made me feel like I could truly rise to the occasion of helping others, but my interests have become more specific to that of leading a business that gives back to the community in a way similar to successful health practitioners. I will learn the tools of wisely using time, great focus, and a deep understanding of methods that actually provide for people. Nothing will make me feel better or more accomplished.

madtomato 2 / 7  
Nov 2, 2011   #2
its well written!
i think that some of your descriptions are unnecessary. fore example, you say "green and white striped walls" and "flower-print clothes" but those details don't add much to the essay itself.

I think that its important to include the bit about the man in the white overcoat because you're talking about being a doctor, but make sure your words are meaningful and with intention.
ChihiroLavi 4 / 52  
Nov 8, 2011   #3
Good work!~

I think maybe you could use more description to show your thinking, show how your experience or behavior interact with your thinking, then the essay would be more touching.


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