'going to live with you' - Stanford Letter to Roommate

Hi everyone)
This is my letter for roommate and I definitely could use some feedback from you , guys. I wanted to sound more casual , not haughty in this letter

So here it is:
Hey, my future roommate, if you are reading this, that pretty much means I'm going to live with you. Now start taking notes. I'm quite phlegmatic, humble and tolerant, so I won't put myself above you or nitpick you or do anything obnoxious. It's possible that you would might perceive the default countenance of my relaxed face as too serious , even gloomy a bit ( many people have remarked that), but that shouldn't alienate you. I'm melomaniac and listen to all genres and most of subgenres of music, so I definitely won't rant about my hatred of classical or pop music, while you listen to it; we might only argue on music performers. Though I'm not excessively pedantic, chaos is not my element - you will have a hard time indulging yourself in messing the room up, if you are inclined to it. Sometimes I experience occasional fits of cooking, so you may grab some nice bite, if I don't overcook the dish. You might as well expect some counseling services from me, for you are welcome, just don't whine excessively. However, what I want from you is: not snoring, drinking, smoking, asking silly questions, clipping your nails in the room and singing if you are bad at it -- those are my simple and quite feasible requirements for a good roommate. And leave me some space on the wall for me to punch it; the rest is yours: for posters and whatever stuff you deem worthy of hanging there.

Anyway, I just hope you are a decent guy or gal to deal with, and if you are, then our coexistence will be blissful. I assure you.

And, yeah, just forgot, my name's Khan. If it's hard to pronounce, just call me Han then.

I like how your letter is casual yet formal at the same time (I think it must be because of the diction). There are some words that need to be replaced, I think, so that it has a greater impact or at the very least, clearer to your roommate. Overall, good job. You sound like you'd be a pretty cool roommate! (esp. cos you can cook, haha).



You need a comma after humble (oxford commas and whatnot).


Just some syntax here. :)

Samson, thanks for advice and feedback)

its a nice essay...even better than mine ( i'll post it so u could read it)...really nice...but make it a bit formal so that the directors would take you seriously.

Hi.
It was a very nice essay, but I think you come off a little too cocky (even though you say you are humble) by telling him to "take notes". Also, even though I don't know you, I think you used too many words that are beyond yours (or anyones, especially your future roommates) language.

I believe that it was a good letter, I'm not sure I would like it if right off someone would say for me to "take notes". Other than that, it was good.

Thanks a lot guys for your output) I'll work on "taking notes" thing