"Good Good Study Day Day Up" is a Chinglish(Chinese English) way Chinese socialists encourage their students to work hard and make progress everyday so...It's more of a life attitude.
This is a first draft, so there would be tons of grammar mistakes and incoherencies.
First I tried to write about my Model UN experience exposing my weaknesses and expressing a burning wish to improve. But my uncle in the US read it and said, "be shamless and compliment on yourself. Americans never say they are wrong. They only think about how to make themselves better".I was like WOW..
So the essay turned out like this(ta-da~)
Writing college admission essays gave me a chance I never had-to live through the highlights of my half high school years again. I am able to observe my life in an objective and analytical way, see the cause and effects, the connection and similarity between events. Here I start with my nickname, "Mom".
Each time my thumb scrolls over the text messages, I would spot some pieces beginning with "mom." About half of my schoolmates call me mom, and when their names pop up on the screen, their faces, personalities, and anecdotes flash into my mind. Fang, the chief editor of school magazine, was once blamed of procrastinating the publishing for two months. I played a hero who assumed and finished all works in 2 weeks, presenting a perfect outcome. Pot-pot, the conductor of the school orchestra, once gave me a midnight call when he was informed that a band from the US would come the next day to my school but his English did not suffice for communication. I ended up being the translator, the MC plus the assistant, running around with Pot-pot in shaky high heels, making sure everything smooth.
This is me-a teenage girl with a heroism complex. I invite challenges; they inspire me and spur me. I enjoy putting ideas into action, enjoy driven by passion, enjoy working with equally passionate friends and help them out whenever they are in trouble. In 11th grade I was elected the secretary general of our Model United Nations club. On this position I started a storm of campaigns. In the summer holiday we had a meeting planning our coming school year; the discussion and brain storming was a wonderful experience, and we soon constructed a two-page list of things we would do in the coming two months-posters, admitting new members, interviews, lectures, practice conferences... Lying on the bed that night with my head still storming with ideas, I constantly felt something what still lacking, and did not sort it out until midnight-a Gantt chart to keep us spurred and in track! I did not sleep that night learning project management, and the next morning each member in our club received a Microsoft Projector file in their mailbox. In retrospect I sense this Gantt chart signifies a transformation of our Model United Nations from a group of young people bonded by mutual interest and passion to a managed entrepreneurship working under schedules, each individual responsible for his or her own projects. Experimenting with various business management methods in our clubs enabled us to expand our club from 20 people to 200, to hold various training sessions every week and conferences every month, and most importantly, to balance various projects with our study-if working in Model UN affect our grades, we would be all doomed XoX...
In the club, I still play the "Mom's" part. Being responsible for weekly training sessions, I took full responsibilities on my trainees-I not only organized lectures, but also indulged in details of work like texting individuals after lectures offering one-on-one instructions. I was proud of it, but in retrospect the "Mom's way of working" in many cases is more of a limitation. Once, some new members in club were going to organize the first Model UN conference on their own, but I put my finger to their plan, as I usually did. I flipped over their 20 pages agenda-something us "older members" insisted them to make--and picked out at least ten problems. I should have stopped at this point, but I took the agenda home and went over each item. I could not prevent myself from rewriting it, which frustrated them. Later they came to me and said:" Mom, you are such overprotective. This way we will never grow. " and undid most of my corrections. That was when I discovered my own limitations: too easy to be absorbed by details like a single conference and neglect the bigger picture-to let each member grows in the team. Being the "Mom" did not authorize me to cross the boundaries of my own responsibilities and others' as soon as the project is divided, even if I was well-intended.
I had never thought that writing college essays could turn out to be a process of self-revelation. At first I tried to pile up my success stories, but later I came to realize that "why could I achieve this" and "what I could have achieved" taught me more than "what I have achieved" did. Now, as I thumb through hundreds of text messages beginning with "Mom" recording all the things we have done together, I could no stop thinking about all the possibilities: what if I have done things in the other way? What could make us more effective? More innovative? Milan Kundera told me:"No, it's not possible. We cannot test the other possibilities each time and compare the results. Our lives happen but once." But I have my own vision of "eternal return": I would, one day, find myself being the "mom" again; but in the time interval between now and that day, though retrospection and through learning new things, I would get myself prepared.
THE END
I am trying to sound very Chinese to show "diversity" in short answer and sound very American to "fit into American education" in personal statement..
So pleeeaase could anybody read my PS? I am very afraid that, although I tried my best to put my wits into the essay, Americans would be like ***...><#
I would appreciate ANY comments. Thank you thank you thank you~
This is a first draft, so there would be tons of grammar mistakes and incoherencies.
First I tried to write about my Model UN experience exposing my weaknesses and expressing a burning wish to improve. But my uncle in the US read it and said, "be shamless and compliment on yourself. Americans never say they are wrong. They only think about how to make themselves better".I was like WOW..
So the essay turned out like this(ta-da~)
Writing college admission essays gave me a chance I never had-to live through the highlights of my half high school years again. I am able to observe my life in an objective and analytical way, see the cause and effects, the connection and similarity between events. Here I start with my nickname, "Mom".
Each time my thumb scrolls over the text messages, I would spot some pieces beginning with "mom." About half of my schoolmates call me mom, and when their names pop up on the screen, their faces, personalities, and anecdotes flash into my mind. Fang, the chief editor of school magazine, was once blamed of procrastinating the publishing for two months. I played a hero who assumed and finished all works in 2 weeks, presenting a perfect outcome. Pot-pot, the conductor of the school orchestra, once gave me a midnight call when he was informed that a band from the US would come the next day to my school but his English did not suffice for communication. I ended up being the translator, the MC plus the assistant, running around with Pot-pot in shaky high heels, making sure everything smooth.
This is me-a teenage girl with a heroism complex. I invite challenges; they inspire me and spur me. I enjoy putting ideas into action, enjoy driven by passion, enjoy working with equally passionate friends and help them out whenever they are in trouble. In 11th grade I was elected the secretary general of our Model United Nations club. On this position I started a storm of campaigns. In the summer holiday we had a meeting planning our coming school year; the discussion and brain storming was a wonderful experience, and we soon constructed a two-page list of things we would do in the coming two months-posters, admitting new members, interviews, lectures, practice conferences... Lying on the bed that night with my head still storming with ideas, I constantly felt something what still lacking, and did not sort it out until midnight-a Gantt chart to keep us spurred and in track! I did not sleep that night learning project management, and the next morning each member in our club received a Microsoft Projector file in their mailbox. In retrospect I sense this Gantt chart signifies a transformation of our Model United Nations from a group of young people bonded by mutual interest and passion to a managed entrepreneurship working under schedules, each individual responsible for his or her own projects. Experimenting with various business management methods in our clubs enabled us to expand our club from 20 people to 200, to hold various training sessions every week and conferences every month, and most importantly, to balance various projects with our study-if working in Model UN affect our grades, we would be all doomed XoX...
In the club, I still play the "Mom's" part. Being responsible for weekly training sessions, I took full responsibilities on my trainees-I not only organized lectures, but also indulged in details of work like texting individuals after lectures offering one-on-one instructions. I was proud of it, but in retrospect the "Mom's way of working" in many cases is more of a limitation. Once, some new members in club were going to organize the first Model UN conference on their own, but I put my finger to their plan, as I usually did. I flipped over their 20 pages agenda-something us "older members" insisted them to make--and picked out at least ten problems. I should have stopped at this point, but I took the agenda home and went over each item. I could not prevent myself from rewriting it, which frustrated them. Later they came to me and said:" Mom, you are such overprotective. This way we will never grow. " and undid most of my corrections. That was when I discovered my own limitations: too easy to be absorbed by details like a single conference and neglect the bigger picture-to let each member grows in the team. Being the "Mom" did not authorize me to cross the boundaries of my own responsibilities and others' as soon as the project is divided, even if I was well-intended.
I had never thought that writing college essays could turn out to be a process of self-revelation. At first I tried to pile up my success stories, but later I came to realize that "why could I achieve this" and "what I could have achieved" taught me more than "what I have achieved" did. Now, as I thumb through hundreds of text messages beginning with "Mom" recording all the things we have done together, I could no stop thinking about all the possibilities: what if I have done things in the other way? What could make us more effective? More innovative? Milan Kundera told me:"No, it's not possible. We cannot test the other possibilities each time and compare the results. Our lives happen but once." But I have my own vision of "eternal return": I would, one day, find myself being the "mom" again; but in the time interval between now and that day, though retrospection and through learning new things, I would get myself prepared.
THE END
I am trying to sound very Chinese to show "diversity" in short answer and sound very American to "fit into American education" in personal statement..
So pleeeaase could anybody read my PS? I am very afraid that, although I tried my best to put my wits into the essay, Americans would be like ***...><#
I would appreciate ANY comments. Thank you thank you thank you~