I chose the essay#1 about significant experience.
Please help me to check the errors(grammar, struture, words choice).
THANKS VERY MUCH!!
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When last September, my friend asked me if I could visit his hometown to celebrate his grandfather's Day of the Dead, I agreed with him immediately. This was the opportunity for me to refresh my mind and get some ideas for my application essays. Actually, the trip gave me the significant experience that I would never forget in my life.
I didn't find that there is a big hole in my education until I had an amazing encounter with my friend's uncle. We sat in his small wood boat to see how he net fish on the river. He was a short and robust fisherman, and suddenly I realized that I didn't have the slightest idea about what to say to someone like him. His experience to me was so alien and his values were unpredictable, that I couldn't succeed in engaging him in a small talk about his work. All we had was only an abrupt conversation about his and my own family. For the first time in my life, I knew how clumsy and stiff I was. I was actually struck dumb by my own dumbness. And clearly his feeling was also uncomfortable. Living in a good environment, I could communicate with many people, even someone in other countries by English, but I couldn't talk to a fisherman who was in front of me.
The more I asked myself, the more I learned that: I didn't have the ability to talk to people who aren't like me. With all my respect, it wasn't the matter of class. I'm just writing about the disadvantages of educational system in my country. This system made us believe that we can measure the values of people by their intelligence or academic achievements, regardless of their classes. So, people who don't have the education like us aren't worth talking to. This is not just a disadvantage, but also a failure of a modern education. Because one of the main aims of education is teaching people to interact and cooperate with others, not to alien and deny others.
When I diged deeply into this matter, I learned that my experience is very popular, not just in my country but also in all over the world. This popularism didn't relieve me. It actually was so bizarre with me. I thought that learning will help me to stand in the leaders group of future generations. But, how can we lead people and bring the happiness, wealthy to them while we can't talk to them and can't understand their values? One important lesson that I learned from this experience was that I wasn't an open-minded and liberal person as I always believed. However, this lesson didn't make me lose my confidence and ambitions. In fact, It helped me to know that there are many challenges in the way to be successful. Realizing my own lack was the first step to pass all these challenges.
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THANKS AGAIN IN ADVANCE!!
neik
Please help me to check the errors(grammar, struture, words choice).
THANKS VERY MUCH!!
//////////////////////////
When last September, my friend asked me if I could visit his hometown to celebrate his grandfather's Day of the Dead, I agreed with him immediately. This was the opportunity for me to refresh my mind and get some ideas for my application essays. Actually, the trip gave me the significant experience that I would never forget in my life.
I didn't find that there is a big hole in my education until I had an amazing encounter with my friend's uncle. We sat in his small wood boat to see how he net fish on the river. He was a short and robust fisherman, and suddenly I realized that I didn't have the slightest idea about what to say to someone like him. His experience to me was so alien and his values were unpredictable, that I couldn't succeed in engaging him in a small talk about his work. All we had was only an abrupt conversation about his and my own family. For the first time in my life, I knew how clumsy and stiff I was. I was actually struck dumb by my own dumbness. And clearly his feeling was also uncomfortable. Living in a good environment, I could communicate with many people, even someone in other countries by English, but I couldn't talk to a fisherman who was in front of me.
The more I asked myself, the more I learned that: I didn't have the ability to talk to people who aren't like me. With all my respect, it wasn't the matter of class. I'm just writing about the disadvantages of educational system in my country. This system made us believe that we can measure the values of people by their intelligence or academic achievements, regardless of their classes. So, people who don't have the education like us aren't worth talking to. This is not just a disadvantage, but also a failure of a modern education. Because one of the main aims of education is teaching people to interact and cooperate with others, not to alien and deny others.
When I diged deeply into this matter, I learned that my experience is very popular, not just in my country but also in all over the world. This popularism didn't relieve me. It actually was so bizarre with me. I thought that learning will help me to stand in the leaders group of future generations. But, how can we lead people and bring the happiness, wealthy to them while we can't talk to them and can't understand their values? One important lesson that I learned from this experience was that I wasn't an open-minded and liberal person as I always believed. However, this lesson didn't make me lose my confidence and ambitions. In fact, It helped me to know that there are many challenges in the way to be successful. Realizing my own lack was the first step to pass all these challenges.
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THANKS AGAIN IN ADVANCE!!
neik
