This is my attempt at one of the common app essay prompts. If anyone would like to read it and give me some feedback I would very much appreciate it. Also, I'm about 20 words over the limit so I'll need to delete some parts. I think it is because my teacher told me to take out all of the contractions.
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
I wrap my shirt around the handle of the door before I grasp hold. It's an old trick I picked up years back. I always hated the smell of brass that lingered on my fingertips after opening the doors to the condos where my Grandpa resides. Of course, I do not think about it now, it is just second nature. I guess my mind filters through a lot of things after seeing the same scene twice a week for nearly eighteen years. To someone entering this shell of a home for the first time, I imagine they would be a bit unnerved. It is by no means the spotless home of saran-wrapped furniture typically associated with homes of the elderly. In fact, one would almost wish they had brought something to cover their seat. The carpets are undoubtedly dusted in a thin layer of dirt-a grime built up from decades of commotion. The chairs are not occupied by visitors, but by collections of papers and knick knacks. A lone hermit can be seen occupying one of the few open seats. Newspapers spill over into the tangle of wires, which run in an unordered fashion from an assortment of power bars, often without destination. Simply put, this home is a mess. To me however, this place is not just filled with the collections of an entry level hoarder, but is cluttered with the memories of generations passed. It is in this fortress of solitude that I feel completely at ease-it is here that I am perfectly content.
My grandpa doesn't get out of his little shell much; unfortunately he is plagued with the disease of old age. Arthritis, Diabetes, Crohn's and more have all taken their toll, making going places difficult. While he does not work, he still lives for the weekends. He is always eager to show us the latest movie he has DVR'd for us, or to have a rematch over last week's bout of gin rummy. In this sense, the place gives me a feeling of satisfaction, knowing that I am making somebody happy. However going there is deeper than that. My life has been deeply rooted in the dirt of this place. It is where I took my first steps; where I was taught to draw and to read; how to use a computer; where I was molded from the boy learning to walk to the man of the house I am today. While I never stop learning here, this has become more of a place of solace for me; where all the hustle and bustle and stress of life cannot reach me. Where I can simply forget about life and enjoy a day with my family.
Above all else, I associate this sanctuary with communion. Wax cakes the edge of the table-accumulated from the candles of countless birthday celebrations, countless cakes devoured in the good spirit of family. Handmade birthday cards plaster the walls, some with a signature, dated a year long forgotten. It is the gathering place, in which my mom's side of the family reunites weekly. Where one another's achievements are celebrated, and our loved ones are encouraged to do well in life. The home bears its physical deformities-reminders of the years of trials and obstacles our family has overcome through teamwork, slowly forging this place into the sanctuary it is today. It also bears invisible marks; however, such as the foot prints of my first steps.
It is in this castle that I am given subtle reminders of the achievements and journeys of my life. I reflect upon my character in the tranquility of my refuge. I fasten the bonds, which pull my family together, and strengthen the morals and values which we hold closely. I can escape the world and live care-free for even a few hours. It is here that I am perfectly content.
I don't think you need to take out the contractions, since this isn't a formal research paper. It's meant to be your personal story told in your voice.
making going places difficult.
I don't think this part flows well, maybe say traveling or leaving?
However going there is deeper than that.
I don't think it's going there that is deeper, wouldn't it be your satisfaction that goes deeper?
I like your usage of "sanctuary" and "castle" :)
Overall, I think this essay is very clear and full of good imagery. Good luck getting into your college!
Check mine out too if you can?
