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"Granny! Where are you going!"
"There is an important customer coming. I have to go right now and prepare for market!"
It's around 11 PM when the usual quarrel between granny and I occur. I try to cover my deep sigh not to worry my sister, but I know I am already exhausted. Since grandma gets Alzheimer's disease at her early seventies, she often wakes up at night and leaves home. It was my and my twelve year old sister's job to stop her and put her back to bed.
"Granny. Wake up! Please don't do this".
"Hey! Why are you keep stopping me? I have works to do!"
The old woman in shrill voice is not the benign grandma in my memory anymore. Granny is not "Granny" now. She is back at her beautiful, yet harsh youth. The world she sees is not the world I belong. Nevertheless, I could never accept it then. Granny has to stay as my granny. I missed the warmth her wrinkled hands gave and her benign smile I used to receive. I deathly hated the illness that took away my grandma, the closest one who was beside me all the time. It was Granny who first saw me toddling, took me to the primary school, and taught me how to read; her knowledge seemed limitless and the world of my childhood that I saw through her was enormous. Facing the Alzheimer gradually sapping her strength, I didn't want to see her falling apart. What I hated even more was to see myself shouting at her with
In 2007 winter, the situation got deteriorated. One day, she had a major stroke that led her to E.R. On the ambulance to the hospital, she held my hands and said,
"I hope you to live well"
Looking at her eyes, I knew that she recognized me. A fear that dropped vertically to reach the abyss of my stomach struck me. I was afraid that this might be the end. The only thing I could do was to pray desperately that I can do anything to make her stay with me. I burst in tears in regret.
How is she now? Luckily, she is still alive! She is no longer healthy and cannot recognize me, but I can still see her. Although these days, she thinks I am her sister, I can now comfortably talk to her, pretending who she thinks of me. I decided not to disappoint of her change and grieve that she is not who she used to be. I no longer think it is neither God's will nor his wrath. Instead, I accept the condition changing itself and try to have the most positive idea. She is already a big solace just by the fact to be with our family. Her warm smile has not changed. I now can smile with her and is grateful that she can live today. Even when working on chemistry, my weakest subject or struggling in a foreign country, I could still thank of such chances I could have.
Everything has its value just by its existence, so thank this moment you belong; it is the dear lesson from my granny that will stay with me as long as I can stop remember her.
"Granny! Where are you going!"
"There is an important customer coming. I have to go right now and prepare for market!"
It's around 11 PM when the usual quarrel between granny and I occur. I try to cover my deep sigh not to worry my sister, but I know I am already exhausted. Since grandma gets Alzheimer's disease at her early seventies, she often wakes up at night and leaves home. It was my and my twelve year old sister's job to stop her and put her back to bed.
"Granny. Wake up! Please don't do this".
"Hey! Why are you keep stopping me? I have works to do!"
The old woman in shrill voice is not the benign grandma in my memory anymore. Granny is not "Granny" now. She is back at her beautiful, yet harsh youth. The world she sees is not the world I belong. Nevertheless, I could never accept it then. Granny has to stay as my granny. I missed the warmth her wrinkled hands gave and her benign smile I used to receive. I deathly hated the illness that took away my grandma, the closest one who was beside me all the time. It was Granny who first saw me toddling, took me to the primary school, and taught me how to read; her knowledge seemed limitless and the world of my childhood that I saw through her was enormous. Facing the Alzheimer gradually sapping her strength, I didn't want to see her falling apart. What I hated even more was to see myself shouting at her with
In 2007 winter, the situation got deteriorated. One day, she had a major stroke that led her to E.R. On the ambulance to the hospital, she held my hands and said,
"I hope you to live well"
Looking at her eyes, I knew that she recognized me. A fear that dropped vertically to reach the abyss of my stomach struck me. I was afraid that this might be the end. The only thing I could do was to pray desperately that I can do anything to make her stay with me. I burst in tears in regret.
How is she now? Luckily, she is still alive! She is no longer healthy and cannot recognize me, but I can still see her. Although these days, she thinks I am her sister, I can now comfortably talk to her, pretending who she thinks of me. I decided not to disappoint of her change and grieve that she is not who she used to be. I no longer think it is neither God's will nor his wrath. Instead, I accept the condition changing itself and try to have the most positive idea. She is already a big solace just by the fact to be with our family. Her warm smile has not changed. I now can smile with her and is grateful that she can live today. Even when working on chemistry, my weakest subject or struggling in a foreign country, I could still thank of such chances I could have.
Everything has its value just by its existence, so thank this moment you belong; it is the dear lesson from my granny that will stay with me as long as I can stop remember her.
