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"We all have great inner power" - Lifetime Goals Essay; Apply Texas Topic C



chickenpiemary 3 / 5  
Nov 15, 2015   #1
Topic: Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current, and future academic and extracurricular activities might help you achieve your goals.

Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "We all have great inner power. The power is self-faith. There's really an attitude to winning. You have to see yourself winning before you win. And you have to be hungry. You have to want to conquer." Sometimes our vision is blurry from other people trying to control what we do, our own self doubts, and other issues. When you set goals, it clears your path, allowing you to see what you need to see. I've worked hard to set my goals and follow them, and I've decided that I want to help people. I'm not quite sure how I want to help people, but I have a strong belief in that I can do anything I want to do with the right education and perseverance.

Growing up, I was very blessed, my parents gave me everything, but I understood
that some people were not as privileged. So, I decided to start volunteering at my church to make food for the homeless people, and it gave me a good feeling inside. Every month, we would make sack lunches and take them to homeless shelters, and seeing the looks on the people's faces made me want to continue to give up my Saturdays to help them. I also decided to volunteer with vacation bible school, where we worked with children, teaching them about manners, linguistics, and God. This experience really brought a new light to me, showing me how children's brains functions, and what the best way to teach them is.

In International French Club, we study and learn about different cultures, broadening our perspectives in life. We work and learn with different people who come from different backgrounds, teaching us how to mold and work with others learning styles. In school, I worked with many peers who were not quite as intelligent as I am. I always find a way to teach them a concept, and I believe in never giving up. There is a positive feeling when you teach someone something, and that light goes off in their eyes when they understand. Cosmetology also put my to working and teaching different types of people. Every person has a different learning style, and it really showed me how to work around simple differences and achieve a common goal.

I've worked hard in all my classes so that I can help those struggling in the classes, to pass. When I help someone, not only does it help the person, but it also tests my knowledge of the subject. Helping people to me, is the most rewarding thing you can do in life because it not only helps the person, but it helps your inner self. This is why my goal in life is to help as many people as I can, in anyway that I can.

kulty2 2 / 8  
Nov 15, 2015   #2
In stead of "So" as your transition, try using, "As a result" or "Consequentially"
justivy03 - / 2265  
Nov 15, 2015   #3
Mary, it's good to incorporate a saying or a source of motivation at the beginning of your essay and draw the rest of the essay base on this, the only thing that you have to remember is that you have to make sure that this corresponds with the prompt.

The beginning as well as the body of the essay is very good, it'e written well and I believe there's a little bit of enhancement on the final paragraph of the essay. Here are my thoughts;

Final paragraph
- I've workedstrive hard in all my classes
- so that I can help those struggling in the classes, to pass.
- When IH elping someone,
- not only does it help the person, but itdoes not only help the person, rather also tests
- Helping people to me, is the most
- rewarding thing you can do in life. because it not only helps the person, but it helps your inner self.
- This is why my goal in life,is to help as many people as I can, in anyway that I can.

There you have it, I hope it did enhance the final paragraph of the essay and made it stronger.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Nov 16, 2015   #4
Mary, the minute I read the quote from Arnold Shwarzenegger, I told myself "Oh boy! Big mistake!" While it is suggested that opening your essay with quotes from political or inspirational figures helps to reel in the reader, as Ivy said, you need to make sure that it helps your essay along. In this case, the quote is not even remotely related to the prompt and should therefore, we totally eliminated from the essay. Keep in mind that the essay prompt wishes you to refer to your current and future academic and extra curricular activities. So the reference to "Self-Faith" in the quote does not and cannot apply to your discussion. So all that quote did was take away valuable word count from the actual development of relevant parts of your essay.

The essay really needs to be adjusted in terms of content because your sole focus was only on your extra curricular activities such as volunteering and the French club. You did not make any mention of your academic interests in school, not extra curricular, and your future academic interests. Neither did you mention your future college extra curricular interests. So you dropped the ball in terms of prompt discussion. You need to represent those necessary parts in the essay for a very specific reason.

The essay wants you to tell the admissions officer how you plan to continue evolving as a student at the university. From the person you are today, who do you see yourself becoming in the future? How will the school be able to help you achieve that image of yourself through its academic and extra curricular offerings over the next 4 years? Will it be a continuation of your current interests ? Or do you plan on developing a totally new personality and character over the next 4 years of college? Those are the pieces of information that the reviewer is interested in knowing about and therefore, should be reflected in the essay.

Your current essay definitely needs to be improved and developed to better discuss and present the necessary information. I hope that you can find a way to revise it and come up with a more interesting and prompt adherent response :-) I look forward to reading it when you do.
Ethan M - / 4  
Nov 16, 2015   #5
Hi there!

You may want to re-look at the quote you've used. It doesn't seem relevant to the prompt. Why? Because your prompt wants you to talk about your current and future academic + non-academic goals, which will help in achieving your life's goals. Let me elaborate: If your life goal is to help people, then what have you done/are doing/will do in your life to help people and how do you plan to do it?

Also, if you have some career (teaching, nursing, social worker, etc.) on your mind, which involve helping people, it would make better sense in terms of establishing your life goals.

Here as some possible quotes you could consider:

1. The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well - Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. If you're in the luckiest one per cent of humanity, you owe it to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99 per cent. ― Warren Buffett

Hope this helps.


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