I grew up with a single mom; University of Colorado- enrich diverse &inclusive community

here's the question:
The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?

So the early action deadline is due on Friday and today I finally had some inspiration and was able to write the first part of my essay but now I need to find a way to combine what I wrote today with what I wrote a few days ago. I'm fine with taking out stuff from the second part and I already cut stuff from the first part because I had gone over the limit. Thanks! (there's probably typos and things I need to fix grammatically also but I can take care of that later) at the moment I have 483 words

first part:
Diversity has never been a strange concept for me, as there's always some part of me that doesn't fit into what's considered "normal". I grew up with a single mom, am the product of a sperm donation, and even my name, Ashmara, is completely out of the norm. Although I was born in Puerto Rico, and currently live here, I've had the privilege to also live in Ecuador and Colorado. Living in such different places I learned that although each culture was very different, something they each have in common is that each individual is unique, somehow creating unity within the diverse cultures. Every time I moved, I would notice that as a whole, people in the places I lived seemed to have the same mindset in the same community, yet each person had their own personality, which as I grew up led me to believe that diversity is what unites us. Every time I moved, I learned something knew that I've been able to use to grow as a person myself. Being Puerto Rican, I was taught to be proud of who I am and to take pride in where I come from. When my mom and I arrived in Colorado we were accepted instantly, even though at the time, I barely knew English and she was new in her position, which taught me at a young age that our differences don't matter. In Ecuador I learned the value of family. As I grew up in these different places I developed the interests and traits that make me my own individual, helping me fit into our world of diversity. In Ecuador I developed my love for animals, in Colorado I became an avid reader, and moving back to Puerto Rico I expanded my interest in art and started taking classes. Getting to high school also helped me expand my interests academically, making me grow an interest in psychology and community service, which I hope to continue with in college.

second:
Sometime in elementary school, I became a more introverted person and started to observe the people around me. Not only do I see college as a way to observe a new and more diverse group of people, but also as a way to open up and widen my horizons socially. I not only want to find different groups of people to interact with but also people I can relate to, forming bonds to last a lifetime. I also want to go to a school where I can get a great education and explore and create new interests. My academics have always been very important to me and going to university is the next step in expanding my knowledge, I'm excited to be able to learn about things that are a lot different from what I've been learning my whole life, and being introduced to new topics is something I've been looking forward to for a long time.

My old English teacher helped me correct it today and now I'm not sure how to finish my train of thought, any ideas? its now 457 words

Diversity has never been a strange concept for me, as there's always some part of me that doesn't fit into what's considered "normal." I grew up with a single mom, am the product of a sperm donation, and even my name, Ashmara, is completely out of the norm. Although I was born in Puerto Rico, and currently live here, I've had the privilege to also live in Ecuador and Colorado. Living in such different places, I learned that although each culture was very different, something that one each has in common is that each individual is unique, yet somehow manages to create unity within the diverse cultures. Every time I moved, I would notice that as a whole, people in the places I lived in seemed to have the same mindset in the same community, yet each person had his or her own personality, which as I grew up led me to believe that diversity is what unites us. Every time I moved, I learned something new that I've been able to use to grow as a person myself. Being Puerto Rican, I was taught to be proud of who I am and to take pride in where I come from. When my mom and I arrived in Colorado, we were accepted instantly, even though at the time, I barely knew English and she was new in her position, which taught me at a young age that our differences don't matter. In Ecuador, I learned the value of family. As I grew up in these different places, I developed the interests and traits that make me my own individual, helping me fit into our world of diversity. In Ecuador, I developed my love for animals; in Colorado, I became an avid reader, and moving back to Puerto Rico I expanded my interest in art. In high school I expanded my interests academically, making me grow an interest in psychology and community service, which I hope to continue in college. I look forward to observing new and more diverse groups of people, and also opening up and widening my horizons socially. I not only want to find different groups of people to interact with, but also people I can relate to, forming bonds to last a lifetime. I also want to go to a school where I can get a great education and explore and create new interests. My education has always been very important to me and going to university is the next step in expanding my knowledge. I'm excited to be able to learn about things that are a lot different from what I've been learning my whole life, and being introduced to new topics is something I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Hello,

You only somewhat answer half of the prompt. The actual question here is "how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?" You answer the second part of the question but do so in a "weak" way. Learning new things is a given at College. Try to be more specific. For the first part of the question, you need to talk about how you will contribute to the community at the school. You have such diverse experiences that this should not be a major problem. What did you learn while living in different parts of the world/nation? How have those experiences help enrich the person you are and how will/can others in the university community learn from you and your experiences. This might be in the form of club membership, classroom discussions, forums etc... -Admissions Advice Online

Hope this helps

... this second part is not so clear .... I like if you rephrase it to express that idea more cleraly


As I grew up, I had the influence of these diverse interests and traits to make up my own individuality, with that I can easily adapt to any new environment.

You should pay attention to what is commented by admission2012 .