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"Growing up with severe asthma" - Rice Transfer, Natural Science



sarah2010 1 / 1  
Jan 27, 2011   #1
With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.

1100 Characters.

This is what I have so far, let me know what ya'll think! Be honest! Thank you so much!

Growing up with severe asthma, inhalers became my best friend. For three years I was forced to use a respiratory Nebulizer to better dispense medication into my lungs. During this time, I did not fully comprehend what was happening to me. I was perplexed by how a small dose of medication could relieve so much pain. Overnight, my doctors became my heroes. I was certain that at one point of my life, I would be on the other side looking at my patient and relieving their pain. As I got older, this determination evolved to become my passion. Volunteering at hospitals reignited my already growing desire to learn more about science and how the smallest cell could impact the largest being. In continuing my path towards becoming a pulmonologist, I am confident that applying to Wiess School of Natural Science is one of the best decisions I could possibly make during my undergraduate career. Through this choice I will acquire more than just a degree in Biochemistry, but the opportunity to expand my studies due to a plethora of research opportunities and the exquisite learning environment offered at Rice.

lwshing 2 / 4  
Jan 28, 2011   #2
If can make this essay long, it will be better.
Anyway your essay is good.
OP sarah2010 1 / 1  
Jan 28, 2011   #3
Hmm I will see what I can do I already hit the limit, is there anything there I should change or re do? Thank you again!!
surfsamurai 1 / 5  
Feb 4, 2011   #4
One word: expand.

Its very good, and you've got the right approach. Give more details, and SHOW not TELL :)
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 12, 2011   #5
Very clever intro. Use "number agreement"---> ...inhalers became my best friends.

In continuing my path towards becoming a pulmonologist, I am confident that applying to Wiess School of Natural Science is one of the best decisions I could possibly make during my undergraduate career. I think you can say something more specific right here.

Through this choice I will acquire more than just a degree in Biochemistry, but the---no, this form of sentence does not work.
You should write it with a semi-colon:
... more than just a degree in Biochemistry; I will also gain an opportunity to expand...

:-)


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